m o v e m e n t

what i’m just now coming to realize is that the difference between the terror and the thrill–that razor-edge that separates the two, is faith.

i remember sending up a particularly vociferous prayer towards the start of the year, which wasn’t so much a prayer as a demand, what do you want from me? what do you want from me? six words i said again and again. six words i angrily flung upward. and the answer came back immediate and clear: more faith.

more faith.

which at the time i thought meant more patience, and patience has never been my virtue.

but now, these many months later, i don’t think it is patience. it’s not about more patience or less patience. it’s about a seed of self-belief. and how that seed is actually a divine thing. it’s about embracing the bits that don’t make any sense. trusting that the story is in fact made by the departures and aberrations. it’s about wonder and curiosity. about moving forward and upward even if the movement is a sort of graceless thrashing about. it’s about clawing and clamoring and dirt beneath the fingernails. it’s about saying i don’t know. and i don’t know. and i don’t know, again. because one day i will. and if one believes that in the end it’ll all work out–even and most especially in the face of overwhelming doubt–than those moments of discomfort and unease and fear are made sweet and holy and wholly lovely by their impermanence.

//Meg Fee//

Today is not my day

Why is it that we, as human beings, can go an entire movie full of gore and people getting shot and killed right and left and it doesn't phase us.... then we turn around and watch a movie about one single puppy who dies and we all sob like a little baby??

Yeah. I used to ask myself that same question.
Well, not to throw myself a pity party or anything but, you guys, I totally get it. My little dog Moka has been diagnosed with full-blown diabetes and in the past week has gone totally blind. Diabetes is nasty business, people. Put that sugar down.

But seriously. This is rough. I am all the sudden this little emotional wreck. I am pretty tough when I make up my mind to be (and the fact that I cry in pretty much every single movie is simply
because I choose to, okay? It's a choice. I like investing it all into movies). But you guys. This is pretty bad. This is sweet little Moka! He only has a few more months.. if that. And you can tell he is suffering greatly but he still keeps his tail wagging and tries to be all cheerful. If you don't believe me, just come over. It's ridiculous, and inspiring, and totally heart-wrenching.
Because yes, we could treat him, but it would cost over $3,000 bucks, and it would require giving him shots twice every single day. Now, I'm no Einstein, but I do know that dogs HATE shots. They don't understand them. Also, hypoglycemia is hard enough to recognize in a human, let alone a little dog! That would be complicated, too.

Let's ignore the poor quality of my phone's camera and just bask in how cute this lil' lion is. He has lost about 10 pounds in a month..... he doesn't look this hearty anymore :(

Mine is a life that has not experienced the death of anyone that close to me, I have experienced the death of many of my patients, and our old dog Molly a long time ago, but this is different. So.... I don't really know what to do with myself. But in order to not make this post totally depressing let's just all end on this thought:

Try to be the person 

your dog thinks you are.

Just do it.
K thanks bye.

love is all, from what I've heard

I'm a really old guy, so when I tell you that nothing matters more than love, listen.

I've been wondering a lot lately. I used to think we loved people because we had the best image in mind, we'll love them because they fit the pattern. The more I have experience with love, respect, admiration, the more it has to do with the dropcloth.  The more I love my wife, and don't tell her this because I am in pursuit of urging her to drop some of her bad habits, but I think I love her more for those weird things than for the things that fit the pattern. It is because of who she is, who she uniquely is.  Everything has a pattern in it, an individual instinctual pattern.  In that individuation, it is God.  He is in us, he is somehow really in us.  God's creativity is reflective in our individuality. That is why our individuality matters so. We are bleered, shmeered, smeared with Man's smudge and smell, and it is absolutely beautiful.  How long would it take Salt Lake City, if people left it alone, to come back to the way God intended? I bet in fifty years, you'd have a hard time telling it was there ever.  The world is overused and under-appreciated.  The world resurrects, but sooner or later we're going to die as a result of abusing it. It is not a theological ideal. It's like the way we love, it's real. We genuinely do it. We can't help but respond to the individuality of another person. The nasty and the lovely are inherent in the other.  If you change your perception, it is all there, and that's okay. It's the connectiveness, connectivity that gets me. It's sacramental. Its going everywhere, but its all coming close.

It is ramifying.

//Steven Walker//

November 14th, 2013

Here's a thought.

Sometimes all we can do, in regards to the suffering of those we love, is to stand on the side of the shore while we watch them in the midst of the storm, battling the waves, purely alone. We want so badly to swim out there and save them, to calm the storm, throw out a rope, anything, but we cannot-- we can only stand and watch it all, feeling helpless, small, completely useless.

Has anyone else experienced that feeling?

I feel like it happens to me on the daily. I see so much pain and suffering in this world (amidst the good-- there is always good for those who see it). Especially as a nurse and friend.
And I just want to fix it all. If a tiny little heart like mine can feel that kind of magnitude, then what of a God in Heaven who looks down upon it? He must weep. I have no doubt in that. And how He must wish to fix it, too. But He does not always do so. And there is great wisdom in that, a higher way, a greater love.

"I'm a really old guy, so when I tell you that nothing matters more than love, listen."

Sometimes, while standing on the shore, we realize that the only thing we can do is fall to our knees-- but there is power in that. Praying for someone. With real intent. Exercising faith in that prayer. I believe in the power of that channel, the power of faith to change.

Faith is tangible. It is real. It is more than a feeling, it is a force, and it changes things. It is powerful and if we feel that is all we can do is pray for them with faith well, that is a remarkable thing.

So don't give up on them. Don't ever, ever stop loving them. Pray for them. Send that faith their way-- that force for good.  There are miracles everywhere. Faith is the key to creating those miracles. I will never stop believing in that.

These chilluns are up to no good

It is a beautiful fall day and wonderful for many reasons-- one being that I just can't seem to stop smiling. I'll get to the main reason for that soon but first, a story: I was getting into my car to speed off to the bank and pay my dues when I noticed a tiny little boy looking longingly in my direction (he was selling something, and I was, conveniently, the only soul in sight). I backed up and called, "how much?"-- he eagerly responded. "Twenty-five cents!" I assumed that the liquid in the opaque container by his side was lemonade and I dug around my change drawer to find a quarter. I handed it to him and he carefully began to gather my loot. He placed a cup carefully on a tree stump and, clasping the pitcher with both hands, used all his concentration to pour me some. To my surprise, the liquid coming out of the pitcher was not lemonade at all, rather, it was crystal-clear, state of the art, lukewarm, shimmering water. As soon as I realized this, I couldn't help but notice that he had poured me not only water, but less than half-of-a-Styrofoam-cup's worth of it.

Lil' whippersnapper was about this age.. I just thought I'd throw in a Taiwanese picture as well. For obvious reasons. via

"What are you saving up for?" (It looked like he had about two dollars by now)
Enthusiastically, "A hotel!" ---
ha ha oh, I was laughing SO hard inside. He was thee cutest little guy. I drank my 2 swallows of water and wished him luck and went on my merry way. A few thoughts crossed my mind, firstly, times are-a-changin'. I seem to remember a time when I spent a fair amount of time carefully mixing up some cool-aid or lemonade with great attention, and when I had a buyer, a FULL cup was delivered their way. Are we really in such difficult times that one quarter will buy but a third a cup of water? My second thought was that his hotel is probably going to be the kind of business that scrimps and scrounges and cuts a lot of corners. We all know the ones-- we arrive to find them looking not a bit like the sophisticated pictures online-- and of course the continental breakfast leaves much to be desired. Despite it all though, I hope that little guy goes far.

Alright-- Let's get to it- I AM GOING TO TAIWAN!  21 dreamers, and only 12 spots-- and once again the Big Man Upstairs allows little old me to have this opportunity. I feel so elated, so humbled, and so blessed. I get to go spend a month in that fabulous part of the world, and do nursey things, and learn nursey stuff. And scuba dive. And maybe even try out some acupuncture.
More details to come soon, but in the meantime I will be continuing to scrimp and scrounge every single penny so that I can make the $1000 down-payment on time (November 19th). Don't call me about midnight pizza runs or tempt me with anything that requires spending money, people. This is serious business.

Also, for the first time in my life my body is able to function on less than 5 hours of sleep. Nursing school is finally getting adjusted to. It's about TIME, fools! Glory hallelujah!
(**Disclaimer: As a student nurse/future RN it is my job to er, promote health. Therefore, GET MORE THAN 5 HOURS OF SLEEP!! And eat your fruits and veggies!
There.
As soon as I am done with school, I will get 8 again, because I am an old lady already anyway, and I like me some sleep. But for now, I sacrifice my health and sleep for 3 years in order to promote yours. Makes sense, right? Uhh. Right.)

Stretching

I find a kind of inexplicable joy in the hard stuff of these years. I love them. I thrive in the challenge. I love what I am learning to live without, on a budget-- saving up every penny for the necessities and cutting out every single thing that I used to take for granted. I never eat out anymore, I haven't bought myself new clothes in months. I pack lunches. I reuse things until they are completely worn out. I wrap presents in brown paper bags. I do my best with meaning and gifts that do not require a lot of cash. Self discipline and restraint cause me to eat everything I buy before it goes bad--I used to not really notice if my lettuce went bad before. Now it is rationed carefully. I have just about no money and yet I am happier than I have been in months. And my time is critically managed, too. I have never felt so balanced in my entire life-- my homework gets done, my grades are better than they have ever been since coming to BYU-- and I still have time to go have fun.  Time with family is rare and relished in. I no longer take holidays for granted-- working them even once takes that out of you. I find joy in the little stuff-- being single is a choice of mine, and I find joy in this chapter of my life. I know time will bring someone fantastic into my life, someone who resonates with me and sparks in me a completely new realm of living.  That all these wonderful people I am meeting that seem to just blend into each other and don't feel right to me-- well they are teaching me things. They are adding flavor to my life-- and none if that is ever a waste of time. There is a fine difference between pickiness and choosiness, and I hope I never fail to recognize that.
There are days where loneliness hits me. But those instances pass. And I have found service as an antidote for all of them.
I don't doubt for one minute that this is a crucial time of preparation for me, and God is aware of me. I have never felt that fact so strongly as I do now. I have never relied upon Him as strongly as I do now.

This year has taught me many things. Here are just a few:
One--- There are miracles everywhere. I do not believe in circumstances nor coincidences. If you have an eye to recognize miracles, coincidences are no longer a reality for you. Your faith makes it so.
Two-- Some days are a little bit too much, and some nights your pillow is wet with wasted tears. You resign to let despondence eat you away. But the morning always comes. It always does. And finding the strength to take one step after these moments is all that matters. Just one.
Three-- I learned what it feels like to have an incredible boy fall in love with you and treat you exactly how you deserve. But life has a cruel way of doing things sometimes, and it wasn't right for me no matter how much I tried to make it so. I learned the excruciating heartache of letting him go.
I learned how to forgive and let go of a different boy who did not know how to treat me, who did not love me in the way I thought I needed. I decided to love him anyway. I took vulnerability and let it strengthen me-- I tried my best to send that love out into the world and let it build me up even though I felt like I was completely falling apart. I am better for it now.
My capacity to love was tested and stretched this year more than ever before in my life. I lost two people very dear to me. But I learned that sometimes you have to know when to walk away. And as hard as that is-- don't look back.
Four-- Debussy is the perfect soundtrack to any rainy day.
Five-- Confidence is the key to giving good shots and putting in IV's! And sometimes, people just have crappy veins!
Six-- If you have the choice between sleeping in or getting up and going to power yoga-- go to yoga.
Seven-- I think God is patient with our progress. And so should we be. Furthermore-- we should be patient with the progress of others as well.

I could think of a lot more but that is about all of the time I have allotted myself to procrastinate my deathly pharmacology homework.... I digress.

Snapchat and Selfies

You guys, I just don't understand the appeal of shapchat. Or the point. Usually, it just ends up with me getting a ton of pictures of a ton of selfies. And I retaliate with a ton of selfies. To what end? And the captions, they are the best. I'm waiting to go to work... I'm bored. I'm tired. Look, I braided my hair. Here, a picture of my dog.
I am just kind of at a loss. I commend all you friends who continue to send me snaps, even though I never respond because I just feel a little bit weird about sending a selfie in the library, or even in my own kitchen for that matter. Is this really what we do for entertainment? They say that this fast-advancing day-and-age, it takes more and more to entertain us, but I am kind of feeling like it is the opposite. If we're entertained by a bunch of random selfies, then I am pretty sure... we're fine.

Also, story time. I flew to California a few weekends ago to visit family and see one of my best friends. We ended up talking on the beach for like 4 hours. Of course, I forgot my sunscreen and got FRIED. And my chin broke out into second-degree blisters. So I wanted to get rid of this THING on my face and applied some Neosporin.. only to find out I am allergic.
So now I have this huge reaction, and I look like the living dead.
So I go to the doctor (because as much as I love people staring at my chin when they are talking to me...) and as soon as he walks in, he takes one look at me and immediately, "Oh-[insert horrendously long mumbled medical term here]--impetigo! yeah, you have an infection."
He then proceeds to prescribe me some antibiotics and tells me that a side effect may be that my skin falls off and I am hospitalized. (No kidding, look up stevens-johnson syndrome. Only if you have a strong stomach though. It's terrifying.)
Then, as if it doesn't get better, he asks, "Would you mind if I took a picture of your chin for my NP lecture at the U? I update it every year and this is the perfect specimen. Don't worry, I won't give your name or anything- **SNAP."


Awesome.

So I'm just feeling kind of weird about this day.

And I'm not going to document it with snapchat, okay?
Good.

On a lighter note, please enjoy this fabulous song. I am going to their concert tomorrow gremlin-chin or NO, and I could not be more excited.

[fake] blood and guts

So I have this fear of needles.

And I've definitely been working on that since like, the dawn of time.
But it is still very apparent in my life.
It's not even the blood, at all, it's the needles! Ask me why that makes sense.
If I didn't receive confirmation after ridiculous confirmation that I am supposed to be a nurse, it would probably have gotten to me by now. But you take it in baby steps, you know?

Well today we started our first IV's, in this mechanical arm that's got GREAT veins. It looks like a real arm, you use real equipment, you are in a lab that feels like a real hospital room...the only difference is that the arm is hard plastic and feels nothing like a real vein, or real skin! But you know, whatever. We take what we can get.

Truth. EVERY DAY.

Well I kind of freaked out. I have been acting all composed and all that crap this entire week, you know, fake it till you make it? Today I freaked out. It began when I inserted the IV and didn't send the catheter in far enough, so fake blood started spurting out all. over. the place. 
I couldn't get it to stop, and my instructor was like,.... "YEAH Kaitlin! You're doing grea--- oh."

I laughed, and everyone else laughed, and it was all fun and games, but inside, I was still freaking out. It kind of reminded me of the time last semester when we were learning to do some kind of irrigation (I won't go into too much detail, because none of you really want to know, trust me) and I put real soap in the IV bag instead of caster soap. My instructor got a good kick out of that.
I am so excited to look back on my little 22-year-old student-nurse self and laugh. I'm glad God has given me the ability to laugh at myself. Even though I still freak out a lot, it helps.

nursing humor at it's...finest?

So I'm gonna keep practicing. A LOT. And I am gonna think happy thoughts, and tell myself a million times over that needles are not that bad. Because they really aren't, right? They are itty-bitty compared to like fifty years ago, when my parents were kids getting shots with these huge honkin' things. Last semester I freaked out about giving shots, and now it doesn't phase me anymore, so IV's can't be that different, right?
Er. Emphasis on the question mark.

So if you see me around, just give me a hug. You don't even have to mention that you read this. Just give me a little encouraging smile and say, "You're doin' great."

 In the meantime, I'll be in the open lab. Sticking needles in things and drinking a lot of gatorade so as to avoid any feeble knees.

This one is called: my life in a nutshell right now.

Today I stumbled upon this beaut. Please relish in it for this small moment with me, because I think it is so great.

A Day In The Life of a Provo College Girl-- August 26th, 2013

1. Wake up

2. Eat breakfast

3. Get picked up by friend #1

4. Help friend #1 try on wedding dresses 

5. Meet a new friend, #2, a newlywed. who proceeds to tell you all about being a newlywed (and my word people, sometimes even for a student nurse there is just too. much. detail. I needn't expound.)

6. Go home and help friend #3, who happens to be your roommate,  find a venue for HER wedding

7. Find out friend #4 is engaged to someone she met 4 weeks ago

8. Help friend #5 with a ride to her new apartment, the one which her and her soon-to-be-husband will be moving into

9. Comfort friend #6 that nothing is wrong with her, yes she has been dating her boyfriend for 6 months and yes it is perfectly normal and okay to not be engaged by now.

10. Ponder about how much I do not understand this Provo thing and wonder if I ever will

11. Throw a dinner party

12. Break things off with a guy, hate hate hate it, wonder if I'm going to live a defective life by being too picky, conclude that I'm okay

13. Sleep. So deeply.

You guys. Provo has this reputation, see, and I'm starting to see that it's there for a very real 

r e a s o n

!

It's a jungle out there, you guys. J to the U n g l e.

August 18th, 2013: "Words that Inspire me"

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace; God is awake."
Victor Hugo

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
Charles DuBois

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in."
Greek Proverb

"The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things."
-Henry Ward Beecher

"Ladies, place your heart in the hands of God and He will place it in the hands of a man who He believes deserves it."
Unknown

"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he's always doing both."
James A. Michener

"Your body is the harp of your soul. And it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds."
Khalil Gibran

"We were not sent to this world to do anything in which we cannot put our hearts."
John Ruskin

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
C.S. Lewis

"Believe. Believe in your destiny and the star from which it shines. Believe you have been sent from God as an arrow pulled from his own bow.
It is the single universal trait which the great of this earth have all shared, while the shadows are fraught with ghosts who ram the winds with mournful wails of regret on their lips.
Believe as if your life depended on it, for indeed it does."
Richard L. Evans

"I have wondered if I am trying to force a life. While the life I lead may not match the picture in my head, perhaps the one offered me is just as full of joy, its pigments just as bright, just not what I expected."
Richard L. Evans“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one... lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable,irredeemable.”
C.S. Lewis"You have to go whole-heartedly into anything in order to achieve anything worth having."
Frank Lloyd Wright

"Today we're younger than we're ever going to be"
Regina Spektor

“I’d like to repeat the advice that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
Jon Krakauer

Carlfred Broderick, in his book "My Parents Married on a Dare",  shares this personal experience that took place while he was a stake president:
 
            A woman came to him when he was a stake president for a blessing.  He said:  "I had known this sister for years and in my judgment she had made some very poor life choices.  She had married a handsome, charming young man who initially wasn't a member of the Church but joined the church for her.  She waited a year to marry him and then went to the temple.  It was the last time he ever went to the temple.  I knew he was a flake from the beginning.  It didn't surprise me that he soon returned to many of his pre-church habits.
         There was a great pain for this woman.  A good, good woman, she kept in the church; she kept in the kingdom; she suffered enormous pain because her husband went back to gambling and drinking and other things that were unhappy and unwholesome.  But, the greater pain came when her children, having these two models before them, began to follow him.  They gradually seemed to adopt his lifestyle, values, and attitude toward the Church and toward sacred things.  Although she never wavered from her own faith, her family was slipping away from her.
         As she asked me for a blessing to sustain her in what to do with this awful situation in which she found herself, my thoughts were,  "Didn't you ask for this?  You married a guy who really didn't have any depth to him and raised your kids too permissively.  You should have fought harder to keep them in church rather than letting them run off to racetracks."  I had all those judgments in my head when I laid my hands on her head.  The Lord told her of his love and his tender concern for her.  He acknowledged that he had given her (and that she had volunteered for) a far, far harder task than He would like.  (And, as he put in my mind, a harder task than I had had.  (I have eight good kids, the last of whom just went to the temple.  All would have been good if they had been orphans.)  She, however, had signed up for hard
children, for children who had rebellious spirits but who were valuable; for a hard husband who had a rebellious spirit but who was valuable.  The Lord alluded to events in her life that I hadn't known about, but which she confirmed afterwards.  Twice Heavenly Father had given her the choice between life and death, whether to come home and be relieved of her responsibilities, which weren't going very well, or whether to stay to see if she could work them through.  Twice on death's bed she had sent the messenger away and gone back to that hard task.   She stayed with it.
         I repented.  I realized I was in the presence of one of the Lord's great noble spirits, who had chosen not a safe place behind the lines punching out the ordinances to the people in the front lines as I was doing, but somebody who chose to live out in the trenches where the Lord's work was being done,
where there was risk, where you could be hurt, where you could lose, where you could be destroyed by your love.  That's the way she had chosen to labor.  Then the thought,  "I am unworthy to lay my hands on her head; if our sexes were reversed, she should have had her hands on mine."

family history, covenants, self-mastery, 2013

The new family history service is quite another matter. It deals with loving, caring, feeling ancestors beyond the veil.

Now, Richard Talbot, John Dunkerson, and Abraham Salee are not just names on a slip of paper for me to receive their temple ordinances. These are ancestors I love through temple work. They, in turn, have influenced my life. I find traits displayed in their purposeful lives woven into the fabric of my own character. Begin this work, and you will know why the Lord said, “The hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers.” (D&C 2:2.) Learn why this glorious doctrine has been restored to the earth Richard G Scott

"The world's ancestors are waiting"

It’s always refreshing to read the words of Brigham Young, who seemed always to hit the nail on the head. Listen to him. He is sharp and pointed. He says, “When you raise your hands to heaven and let them fall, then pass onward, your covenants unfulfilled, you will be cursed.” I feel sometimes like severely lecturing men and women who enter into covenants without realizing the nature of the covenants they make and who use little or no effort to fulfill them. With agency one can murder, commit all the moral, sexual sins, steal, lie, use drugs, be unkind; he may hate, envy, swear, or do whatever he would like. One can hate, or one can love. One can curse, or one can bless. One can live in loneliness, or one can be promiscuous. One can help and assist, or one can hinder. One can blaspheme, or one can honor and bless and pray. One can believe in himself, or he can believe in an overall omniscient Being. One can do as he pleases. Free agency is his. Or he can live his life with the great Redeemer as the center of his life.

One can touch a hot wire, but he cannot stave off the certain death that results. One can step in front of a powerful oncoming train, but he cannot set aside the mangling that will follow. One can jump from a skyscraper, but he cannot control the results and save his body from the crushing effects of the fall and the abrupt contact with the hard pavement below.


Jeffery R. Holland: If you are the one afflicted or a caregiver to such, try not to be overwhelmed with the size of your task. Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient. Dozens of times in the scriptures, the Lord commands someone to “stand still” or “be still”—and wait.⁶ Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education.

“That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”⁴ Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.⁵

Russell M. Nelson: Your Heavenly Father has known you for a very long time. You, as His son or daughter, were chosen by Him to come to earth at this precise time, to be a leader in His great work on earth.¹⁹ You were chosen not for your bodily characteristics but for your spiritual attributes, such as bravery, courage, integrity of heart, a thirst for truth, a hunger for wisdom, and a desire to serve others.

You developed some of these attributes premortally. Others you can develop here on earth²⁰ as you persistently seek them.²¹

A pivotal spiritual attribute is that of self-mastery—the strength to place reason over appetite. Self-mastery builds a strong conscience. And your conscience determines your moral responses in difficult, tempting, and trying situations. Fasting helps your spirit to develop dominance over your physical appetites. Fasting also increases your access to heaven’s help, as it intensifies your prayers. Why the need for self-mastery? God implanted strong appetites within us for nourishment and love, vital for the human family to be perpetuated.²² When we master our appetites within the bounds of God’s laws, we can enjoy longer life, greater love, and consummate joy.²³

Dieter F. Ucthdorf:  Another method the adversary uses to discourage us from rising up is to make us see the commandments as things that have been forced upon us. I suppose it is human nature to resist anything that does not appear to be our own idea in the first place.

If we see healthy eating and exercise as something only our doctor expects of us, we will likely fail. If we see these choices as who we are and who we want to become, we have a greater chance of staying the course and succeeding.

If we see home teaching as only the stake president’s goal, we may place a lower value on doing it. If we see it as our goal—something we desire to do in order to become more Christlike and minister to others—we will not only fulfill our commitment but also accomplish it in a way that blesses the families we visit and our own as well.

Often enough, we are the ones who are being helped up by friends orfamily. But if we look around with observant eyes and the motive of a caring heart, we will recognize the opportunities the Lord places in front of us to help others rise up and move toward their true potential. The scriptures suggest, “Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.”⁹

It is a great source of spiritual power to live lives of integrity and righteousness and to keep our eyes on where we want to be in the eternities. Even if we can see this divine destination only with the eye of faith, it will help us to stay the course.

When our attention is mainly focused on our daily successes or failures, we may lose our way, wander, and fall. Keeping our sights on higher goals will help us become better sons and brothers, kinder fathers, and more loving husbands.

In Which my Philosophies on Dating are Explained

Take this for what it is you guys, I am just a girl who is in the midst of the Provo dating scene and I definitely don't have everything figured out just yet (nor do I think I ever will!). What works for me might not work for other people...I also might add that like most of the general population, I am horrible at following my own advice. That being said, I hope you enjoy reading this! Aaaand here we go:

1. If a guy is interested in you, he'll make it happen. Too often I see girls (and I used to find myself in this trap, as well), who are just convinced that they should fight to make it happen with a guy, or wait around for copious amounts of time to see if it happens. Fight for his attention, make themselves known, "bump" into him at random times to try and get themselves noticed (although this one DID work for Elaine S. Dalton, apparently-- she openly admitted to memorizing her crush's [and future husband's] schedule).
I am a firm believer that if a guy is interested, you'll know. He will call you up and invite you places. He will make an effort to text you back. He will find and make time for you to be in his life. If he's not, if you even question that due to his "negligent" behavior, he's probably just not that into you. And you know what? That's okay. I think the initial ball is in the guy's court on this one. After he makes an effort and you know he's interested, ladies, you need to put in some work too. But initially, the guy has to be the one to get the ball rollin'.

2. Honesty is the best policy. Don't string people along. Don't allow people to string you along, either. This only ends in frustration and hurt. The best way is to be perfectly upfront about how you are feeling. If you just aren't feeling it, tell them. If you are confused about your feelings, tell them. If you are smitten, tell them. We are all adults, right? Handle it that way. If you aren't interested, don't just ignore them and hope that the thing resolves itself out. I have talked to several guys on this one, and they all have told me that they would rather a girl be honest about telling them they are not interested sooner than later, and the same goes for girls. Just be kind and tactful about the way you do it.

3. The First Date Rule: I have heard so many girls say that they have a "first date rule." This means that they believe it is important to give every guy who asks them out a chance. I disagree with this rule in my own life, but I do think it has its place. If I am totally not interested up front, I am not going to say yes to the first date. I just don't feel it is fair to waste a guy's time and money if you ABSOLUTELY know that it isn't going to go anywhere. If you aren't sure, and are sitting on the fence about it, then yes, give them a chance. You might be surprised what you find.

Here's another thing: too many times I have seen girls take this rule Too. Far.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is to hear a girl say, "I'm not interested, but I am going to go out with him anyway. Free dinner, right?" 
Girls, STOP! If you're leaving on a mission anytime soon and aren't looking for anything at the moment, if for any reason you really don't see it ever happening, why are you wasting this guy's time and cash? This is low. If I hear any girl say this again in the future I will really have to resist the urge to slap her right square on the nasal concha.

4. Don't be Fooled by the Aggregation Effect: So many people around, so many with several fabulous qualities and quirks and talents and characteristics-- it fools you into thinking there's one out there that possesses all of those things.
 Don't fall prey to this. It is very easy to do, especially when meeting new people is plentiful in places such as college towns. As Elder Holland puts it, and I am paraphrasing, but there is no perfect person out there, and if there was, they certainly would have no interest in you! Keep an open mind. It is important to explore, but try not to pass up someone wonderful in search of that perfect person who does not exist. 

5. Exclusive dating does not have to mean marriage:  Yes, only date people with qualities you want your future spouse to have, but stop being so chicken about getting exclusive. Just because you are exclusive with a guy or girl does not mean you have to marry them. You are supposed to be exploring and learning and moving forward... so stop freaking out. (This is easier said than done, especially for me:)

6. Think of the current moment as the goal:  Yes, it's important to be thinking of your future and looking forward to it. But if you are sitting there on the first date and starting to think how great that guy is going to look in a tux at your wedding, then you are taking it too far. I have found that it works wonders to think of the current moment as the goal. If you are on a first, second, third date with someone, don't pattern your thoughts too far ahead. Enjoy the moment, lighten up, and have fun. Don't pester your mind with thoughts about whether or not you think he'll ask you out tomorrow, or whether she is "the one." Keep yourself balanced and enjoy the moment you are spending together!

7. Do your own thing, and don't judge Everybody else for the way they do theirs: When I volunteered abroad for a few months, there was a small bout of time when a rumor got taken too far and everybody in the facebooking world thought that This guy and I were engaged:

It was funny, but it kind of disturbed me how many people believed I could fall for a guy in only 3 short months. I believe in four seasons and a road trip, you guys. But a lot of people I know are happily married and only dated a few short months. I guess what I am trying to say is, it may not be your style, (it isn't mine), but don't look down upon or judge others if they are doing it differently than you. Also, don't let other people's opinions stop you from doing what you feel is right.

8. Enjoy It: If you are single and find yourself feeling unwanted, or pressured, stop. Don't be in such a hurry. Your worth is not dependent upon how many Friday nights are booked up with dates. This is a fabulous time of life. Enjoy it! If your dating life is not going exactly the way you'd like it to (I am sure this sums up about 90% of the single young adult population), do whatever you can that is in your control, and then simply let the rest go.


I am definitely interested to hear any opinions on this, do you disagree or agree with what I have said? What are YOUR philosophies on dating? Anything you think I should touch upon or you would like to add? Biggest dating pet peeves? There are so many different philosophies out there and I certainly have an interest in what you have to say:) Thanks for reading!

Quote Book Summer 2013

"We can call that... an epic fail."
"I always went to my brother, because he was fat."
--Ryan Briggs

Brit: "Hey can I throw you in so you can go swimming with the fish?"
9-year old boy: No.
--"Why Not?"
"Because these are new cargo pants."

"See, you know so much, I had no idea that renal and rectal were different!"
Ashmac

"I'm just worried that you can't come to lunch because you're gonna be translated."
-Nanna

"Because if you get married I am gonna be the third wheel, I'll be like sorry, it's a package deal."
"Kaitlin... do you understand what's in Taiwan? The asians."

Kait: "I'd be in a leprousy colony, cleaning wounds."
Brit: "Oh. That's so.... Biblical."

Tyler: "I would do anything for the man! And he would do nothing for me."

Brit (to me): So... your mental state is kind of scaring me."

"I don't understand how I spend most of my life geographically distant from you."
Brit

"You can't go gallavanting around with all these horny ho-bags"
Laura boo

drifting

I have been fighting that feeling a lot lately. The drifting. It is an empty feeling, one that you know the solution to, but for some reason it's more difficult than you expected and instead of doing something to change course you choose to just
drift along.
Well, let the records show--- I'm tired of drifting.


The more I think, the more I feel that by not engaging in daily serious study of the word, sincere prayer and contemplation- by not visiting or "checking in" with that very being who created all things-- it is not solely an offense to Him, but even personally, an offense to ourselves.
By not taking the time out of your busy life to focus and align your will with His you are essentially saying that you don't need Him. You hold up your tiny head and go forward thinking you can rely on your own strength for the day. All things of the spiritual sense weaken within you, even if just slightly.
But that slightly turns into more
and more
and over time you are eroded; your resolve,
your character, your very soul has begun to waste away.
Significantly.
Suddenly you begin to realize that you have no chance on your own to overcome the natural man, not without His help, never without His help. Of course, you knew this all along. But what you didn't know was how easy this was to forget...

I feel that when I do not stay attuned with the spirit, I have no way of telling which thoughts or impulses or words or attitudes or ideas come from Him or from the influence of the world... It is as if I set out for a trip on my sailboat without taking the time to actually put on the sails.

{Our Heavenly Father did not launch us on our eternal journey without providing the means whereby we could receive from Him God-given guidance to assist in our safe return at the end of mortal life. I speak of prayer. I speak too of the whisperings from that still, small voice within each of us, and I do not overlook the holy scriptures, written by mariners who successfully sailed the seas we too must cross. -President Thomas S. Monson}

Let the records show, I'm tired of drifting.

what I'm listening to // Bastille, T/O/P

Can't get enough of these two bands lately. They are both unique in sound and are definitely headed for greatness. Check out some of their better-known songs, such as Pompeii by Bastille, or Guns for Hands by T/O/P, if you are in the mood for some exploring! <3

what i'm listening to // grouplove

Here is a teaser to their new album-- I have definitely had this gem on repeat for the past week or so (and am not even minutely close to getting sick of it).

As my brother puts it, this is the "theme-song for all college freshman and seniors of the world!"

I also may or may not be just a tad bit obsessed with Hannah Hooper. :)

2012-2013 qb

"If you're gonna die, Hypoxemia is a great way to go."

"Abnormal lung sounds are called whistling, crackles, or rales... it sounds like a humpback whale!"

"'The Nordic area is called the cholera belt. Cystic fibrosis is a disease that developed to protect people from Cholera.'
[student] 'So, instead of moving the latrines, they just evolved??'
"The Nordics may have been the prettiest, but they were not the brightest!'"

"So, your body produces your own indogenous marijuana!"

"Stress ulcers are not caused by stress. Sorry about the name."

"Don't drink alcohol, don't abuse steroids, and DON'T get hepatitis A, B, or C."
-Dr. Judd, Pathophysiology teacher

"Kait...you called him? You Bold Sassy Freak!!"
-Ashmil

"Let's all agree to NOT study, and then the curve will be nice and big."
Annie

Kait: "I am so tired, all the time. I think I have mono."
Karlyn: "No... I think you just have a disorder called: nursing school."

"So.. I've only been asleep an hour and I've had the weirdest dreams. Like about diffusing bombs and.... Hilary Clinton."
-Brit

"Kait, we can't have any more Daves in our family. Marry a Roland!!"
-Ann

Britney: (in reference to a shake) "This is a heart attack. This is twenty pounds..."
Kait: "Stop. Enjoy it. You are starting to sound like me!"
Britney: "Well you become like the five people you are most with, except I am only with you so... what do you expect??"

"Kait. He is treating you like that...that sounds a lot like something a doucebag would do. Ignore the crap out of that boy!"
-Ashmil

"...And if your computer starts to fizz and blow up... I'll make you another pie."
-TOFR

"You are hilarious and I would date you if you were a guy. Or if I were a guy."
-Hilary

"Kait. Marry the well's fargo guy. Just do it. Go over to wells fargo and open a bank account so you can meet him. His name was Phillip!"
-Bry
(anyone know a philip at well's fargo? Apparently it is meant to be....)

"We're little bruised peaches."
-Ashmac
 
"We would be terrible on road trips together. But.. it'd be fun!"
-Davis

"I'm just ready for some blessings that aren't in disguise."
-Ashmac

"I probably couldn't date you, it's probably a really big hippa violation."
-Pat Horner

"Hello, I do summer sales, I'm a douchebag. I can do whatever the hell I want, and then wander away...." -Kristen

"We are compatible orbs."
-Britney

"Don't feel like you need to come, just if you're in the mood for a night out, involving me wearing lingerie."
-Ashmil

"We don't judge in Confession Session."
Nate Brown

"I've got a great body. I have a good liver. I eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day!"
-Amanda Leslie

"....that would be invasive."
-Amanda Leslie

K: "Christian, have a heart!!"
"I'm going to law school, Kaitlin, I had to claw that organ out of my own chest as part of the admissions process."
-Christian

"Kaitlin, you are so good with bunnies. They just love you."
-Tyler

"Where is that boy?! I am gonna punch him!"
-Tyler

"I feel like that jittery feeling is like all of the common sense leaving your body."
-Ashmac


"Kaitlin, drop that boy like it's hot."
-Dan

"Don't be silly. You don't have a quote book. I have a quote book, and it's copyrighted, so your quotebook is illegal."
-Christian

"I wouldn't sue someone who is destined to have cancer anyway,"
-Christian

adage // steven walker

"Life's a crap sandwich and I take the biggest damn bite of it that I can every day."

http://mormonscholarstestify.org/601/steve-walker

Do yourself a favor, (baha...all six of you), and go read this. It is powerful... from one of my favorite professors at BYU. It will resonate with you. That is to say, it did for me.

So I went to Mexico This Week...

....and I am pretty sure that I am the only girl on the planet who can say that after spending a week in Mexico, she came home whiter than she started off. 

Observe the picture above. My legs have a little bit of color, do they not? Yes! 

(That was taken on the first day)

(At the resort...also taken on the first day)

At the end of the week, everyone had become a beautiful golden bronze, whilst I lagged behind, literally whiter than I started off, thank you genetics.

Trust me guys, I have tried time and time again to tan my legs.

When I was in Italy, I wore shorts every day and barely, if at all, applied sunscreen. I ended up with white legs and a rash. Awesome.

So I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: The spray-on tan.

Now, go ahead and take your little moment of judgement, because I know that's what you're doing. Feel better? Great. 

Here are the pros of this method:

1. If you go to the right person, they do it well, and it doesn't look streaky or orange

2. It moisturizes your skin

3. It smells amazing (once again, you have to go to the right person, or else it might smell pretty weird)

4. No freckles or wrinkles from sun damage

5. No skin cancer. And we all know how much I am avoiding that one.

..and the cons:

1. It only lasts about 6 days, and then it starts to look pretty streaky and terrible. 

(Say goodbye to the shorts after day six)

2. You can't shower for 24 hours after you get it, and that makes you feel grody.

oh, would you look at that? Five to Two. I think we have ourselves a winner.

Girls with genes like mine do not really have that many options, you know?

Try to tan, burn instead, get skin cancer. 

Or, pay twenty bucks and enjoy a few days of pretending. 

Here am I, with the crew in Puerto Penasco on the third day, wearing shorts, a lovely first for me

I choose the latter, and all you people who think I'm exaggerating, get a look at the white on me after 5 days in Mexico:

Ow, ow! Beautiful, blinding white. And believe me, I was in the sun constantly.

 Apparently one of my callings in life is to simply make those around me feel tan, and
So far I have a 100% success rate. 
Misión Cumplida.

Oh, and by the way, Mexico was fabulous. I'll post more pictures soon. :)

May 1st, 2013: Things Nursing Students Say, and Professor Deborah Hime's Ten tips for Nursing School Success

That looks like a Cadaver.
I got a 98 on this! (frustration)



#1. Be dedicated. Remember that you wanted this, that you felt called to this, and that you have worked hard for it.
#2. Care for Yourself. You can't give from a well that is not full... you will have things pulling you. You have many years to be employed later, don't let it get in the way.
#3. Care for each other.
#4. Be positive and be grateful.
#5. Pay attention to life lessons! Ope your eyes and look at people and what works for the team
#6. Be an adult learner. Go after info as you need it, be proactive about it.
#7. Be safe. PPE, Back.
#8. Get to know your professors
#9. Remember who you are, and who you can ask for help. HF watns you to take care of your children. There are times when you just don't know the answer.
#10. Endure to the end. This flies by like a flash!

May 1st, 2013, Book List of a dear friend

David J. Ridges, your study of the BOM made easier
Endowed from on High
Chronicle of a Death Foretold
Henry Kessinger (author?)
Diplomacy (book...? Not sure if those are the same thing)


Ash And Her Teacher
1. The Matchmaker of Perigord, Julia Stewart
2. The divine comedy
3. If God is Love (Gully & Mulholland?)
4. To Kill a Mockinbird (again)
5. Grapes of Wrath
6. Huckleberry Finn
7. TLOTR
8. Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
9. The Princess Bride
10. The Old Man And The Sea (Hemingway)
11. The Last Unicorn (Peter Beagle?)
12. Traveling Mercies (Ann Lamott?)
13. The Once and Future King (T.H. White)
14. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich (Alexander Solzhenisyn)
15. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)

Ash's Classmates
16. The Power of One
17. Tale of Two Cities
18. Mrs. Dalloway
19. The Infinite Atonement
20. Slaughterhouse Five
21. W. Somerset Maughn's Short Stories
22. Saturday (Ian Mcervam)
23. Daniel Deronda
24. A Ring Of Endless Light
25. In The Time of the Butterflies
26. Warbreaker
27. Increase in Learning
28. Tess
30. 1894
31. The Magician's Nephew
32. The Simarillion
33. Believing Christ
34. Wheel of Time Series
35. The Mistborn Series
36. Dune (Frank Herbert)
37. Screwtape Letters

Sam

1. Mere Christianity,  C.S. Lewis*.  A absolute MUST read.  Got to kinda muscle your way through the beginning, but it is so worth it!  Especially the chapter on Pride.
2. His Majesty: George Washington, by Joseph J Ellis*.  Really interesting read, although I feel like he tries a little to hard to be "unbiased."  It's George Washington for pete's sake! Lets just all accept that he was the man, and leave it at that.  
3. Anthem, by Ayn Rand.  Also a must read.  Really short.  Trippy as mess. 
4. Drive,  An Autobiography  by Larry H Miller*.  Loved it, not boring, the end drags out a little bit though
5. How to Win Friends and Influence People,  Andrew Carnagie.  Super old, super duper interesting.   Loved it.  Just a short read. 
6. Freakanomics: A Rogue Economist explores the hidden side of everything, by Steven D. Levitt.  Kinda fun, and or boring, depending on whether or not you like random facts, but I happen to know that you do.
7. Colonel Roosevelt by Edmund Morris.  VERY LONG.  Kinda slow, still such a good book.  I had no idea Teddy Roosevelt  had such an insane life.
8. The Alchemist, by Paublo Coelho.  Really short fiction book, but it has a lot of really deep points.  I love it.
9. The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis*.  This book is a riot, and so interesting, short read. 
10. The Hobbit, J.R.R Tolkien*.  You have till december to read this, or.. I don't know.  It just seems wrong.
11. 1984, by George Orwell.  Terrifying.  Gave me nightmares.
12. Jesus the Christ, James E. Talmage.  Life changing.
13. Adams v. Jefferson, The tumultuous election of 1800 by John Ferling.  Kinda boring, but still a really good read.
14. Democracy in America, By Alexis de Tocqeuville.  I would recommend an abridged version, but still really good.
15. Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand.  HUGE book, but really really interesting, so far at least.
16. The Chosen, by Chaim Potok.
17. I haven't read this yet, but I'm about to, and my uncle highly recommended it.  Outliers The story of Success, by Malcolm Gladwell.

Random Facts for me, mostly memo's from phone

In kidney failure the pH of the blood decreases because kidneys recover bicarbonate from urine to buffer blood

Russian Slang: Kruto (steep)

Coastal.com is good for discount eyewear/contacts

Gelotology, the study of the physiology of laughter.

YOur body can generate up to 30,000 iu's with like fifteen minutes of sun exposure (look this up later)

Morgan Freemark

Conflagration, defalgration, misanthropic, dilletante (look up later)

Cosomell Mexico, for scuba diving (mom and dad)

...and then I found 20 dollars.

Trisha, July, 1997

Hootinanny-- to cook? Diane from work

The stressful non-famine: Victor, Edwin, Aaron, Clay, Todd.

pH of your stomach is 1.5-3.5, and the pH of urine is 4.6-8

Das erZelbeh Comesh Ist

He said there are always flowers for those who want to see them. Brown wood frame, creme and grey. Yellow stripes, black flower, weathered

 Empathy, defined as the ability to undersatnd and interact based ont he emotional makeup of others, isone of thk ey personalyt traits of emotional intelligence recommended for consideration in hiring hemployees, along with self-awareness, the ability to recognize one's own emotions and motivation and their effect on others; self-regulation, the ability to control or redirect problematic impulses or moods; motivation, a passion ofr work and puruit of goals with energy and persistence; and social skills, proficiency in bulding relationships and networkds (Connolly, 2002).

so you want to be a true aggie?

A year ago this month, I was getting ready to leave USU for good.
As anyone who attends USU knows, becoming a True Aggie is somewhat of a token of pride. (If you care about that sort of thing. Which I happen to know that I do.)
Here's how it works: There is an "A" pedestal on campus, and in order to become a true aggie, one must stand atop the "A" under the full moon at midnight, and pucker up for someone else who has already become a true-aggie. So one passes on the ritualistic tradition to another. (And then you get a little card, to make things official. I pretty much did it for the card... just like I only ran my half-marathon for the t-shirt. Let's move on.)

Here's the card! I'll show you what it says later

Well, I was about to leave USU forever. And I wasn't going to leave it empty-handed. I mean come on. I wasn't about to go grow up and eventually tell my kids that I went to Utah State for two years and didn't come out a True Aggie! I lived a little, thank you very much! I had fun in college! It wasn't just spent pulling my hair out at the library! That is what I will tell my children, and they will believe me. It will be a powerful life-lesson for all.

So April rolled around. I had been on several dates, and they were all... just.. no. Nobody I was really dying to lock lips with. If you want to hear some funny stories, ask Mal, I was a total wreck that semester. 
 Feast or famine, ladies and gentlemen. Finally, it was my last month at USU, and it was time to take action.  Some people just show up to true-ag night and kiss some random stranger. I wouldn't put it past myself to do that, but I am also not really ready to jump on the Epstein-Barr-bandwagon (that is just a fancy name for mono).
Luckily, I had a good friend who learned of my predicament and kindly offered his...services (ha, ha). 

(Things got a little complicated when some random guy decided to ask me out that night...
I had been planning true-ag night for a month, you guys. It was serious business. But of course I wanted to go on the date, so... I simply told the guy I needed to end it early.
I believe he was under the impression that I was going to go home and study for an upcoming test afterwards? Not intentional)

Awkward moment #1: Seeing the date-ee that I ditched, at True Aggie night. Woops.

Anyway we got there. I envisioned it to be all...I don't know... classy? Soft moonlight, starry sky, kiss.. great.
Well... whatever. It was definitely not classy.

I knew my anticipation was wrong as soon as I saw the tacky wal-mart twinkle lights. Blegh.
There was no soft moonlight, in fact, there was just the opposite: bright stage-lights. Everywhere!
And there was a huuuuge line for the "A."  So many people. So much tackiness in one place.
So not waiting in that.

Midnight approaches. I am fine.
Suddenly everyone starts counting down! (tacky again!) Suddenly I am not fine.
You guys, I totally froze. I started freaking out. There were people everywhere, but fella and I were just standing in this huge open area under the blaring lights, and I felt like everyone and their dog were staring at us. The rest is kind of a blur, because I honestly had no idea what to do.

Well, as soon as midnight struck of course fella knew what to do and promptly kissed me and that was that. All things returned to normal, I got my card, and we went home. Anticlimactic? Maybe. Worth it? Definitely.

This is what I was envisioning, except perhaps with a popped foot for dramatic effect. Classy, right? Just look at that dress.

This is what I got. Note the hoards of people and the BLINDING lights. No thanks.

I must say that experience was just..memorable. To say the least. And now I have my official card, so it's all good, and I am content.  Also, mom, don't look him up. He's married now. haha

So if you want to be a True Aggie? My two cents? Just do it. Everybody loves kissing. You burn like 6 calories a minute when you are kissing. It's just a win-win for all. Just go into it prepared, though. Realize that it is kind of for the experience, and it is definitely not sophisticated or romantic or any other such adjectives. Mazel Tov to you all. You only live once, so get out there and do something about it :)

Winner!