Stretching

I find a kind of inexplicable joy in the hard stuff of these years. I love them. I thrive in the challenge. I love what I am learning to live without, on a budget-- saving up every penny for the necessities and cutting out every single thing that I used to take for granted. I never eat out anymore, I haven't bought myself new clothes in months. I pack lunches. I reuse things until they are completely worn out. I wrap presents in brown paper bags. I do my best with meaning and gifts that do not require a lot of cash. Self discipline and restraint cause me to eat everything I buy before it goes bad--I used to not really notice if my lettuce went bad before. Now it is rationed carefully. I have just about no money and yet I am happier than I have been in months. And my time is critically managed, too. I have never felt so balanced in my entire life-- my homework gets done, my grades are better than they have ever been since coming to BYU-- and I still have time to go have fun.  Time with family is rare and relished in. I no longer take holidays for granted-- working them even once takes that out of you. I find joy in the little stuff-- being single is a choice of mine, and I find joy in this chapter of my life. I know time will bring someone fantastic into my life, someone who resonates with me and sparks in me a completely new realm of living.  That all these wonderful people I am meeting that seem to just blend into each other and don't feel right to me-- well they are teaching me things. They are adding flavor to my life-- and none if that is ever a waste of time. There is a fine difference between pickiness and choosiness, and I hope I never fail to recognize that.
There are days where loneliness hits me. But those instances pass. And I have found service as an antidote for all of them.
I don't doubt for one minute that this is a crucial time of preparation for me, and God is aware of me. I have never felt that fact so strongly as I do now. I have never relied upon Him as strongly as I do now.

This year has taught me many things. Here are just a few:
One--- There are miracles everywhere. I do not believe in circumstances nor coincidences. If you have an eye to recognize miracles, coincidences are no longer a reality for you. Your faith makes it so.
Two-- Some days are a little bit too much, and some nights your pillow is wet with wasted tears. You resign to let despondence eat you away. But the morning always comes. It always does. And finding the strength to take one step after these moments is all that matters. Just one.
Three-- I learned what it feels like to have an incredible boy fall in love with you and treat you exactly how you deserve. But life has a cruel way of doing things sometimes, and it wasn't right for me no matter how much I tried to make it so. I learned the excruciating heartache of letting him go.
I learned how to forgive and let go of a different boy who did not know how to treat me, who did not love me in the way I thought I needed. I decided to love him anyway. I took vulnerability and let it strengthen me-- I tried my best to send that love out into the world and let it build me up even though I felt like I was completely falling apart. I am better for it now.
My capacity to love was tested and stretched this year more than ever before in my life. I lost two people very dear to me. But I learned that sometimes you have to know when to walk away. And as hard as that is-- don't look back.
Four-- Debussy is the perfect soundtrack to any rainy day.
Five-- Confidence is the key to giving good shots and putting in IV's! And sometimes, people just have crappy veins!
Six-- If you have the choice between sleeping in or getting up and going to power yoga-- go to yoga.
Seven-- I think God is patient with our progress. And so should we be. Furthermore-- we should be patient with the progress of others as well.

I could think of a lot more but that is about all of the time I have allotted myself to procrastinate my deathly pharmacology homework.... I digress.

Snapchat and Selfies

You guys, I just don't understand the appeal of shapchat. Or the point. Usually, it just ends up with me getting a ton of pictures of a ton of selfies. And I retaliate with a ton of selfies. To what end? And the captions, they are the best. I'm waiting to go to work... I'm bored. I'm tired. Look, I braided my hair. Here, a picture of my dog.
I am just kind of at a loss. I commend all you friends who continue to send me snaps, even though I never respond because I just feel a little bit weird about sending a selfie in the library, or even in my own kitchen for that matter. Is this really what we do for entertainment? They say that this fast-advancing day-and-age, it takes more and more to entertain us, but I am kind of feeling like it is the opposite. If we're entertained by a bunch of random selfies, then I am pretty sure... we're fine.

Also, story time. I flew to California a few weekends ago to visit family and see one of my best friends. We ended up talking on the beach for like 4 hours. Of course, I forgot my sunscreen and got FRIED. And my chin broke out into second-degree blisters. So I wanted to get rid of this THING on my face and applied some Neosporin.. only to find out I am allergic.
So now I have this huge reaction, and I look like the living dead.
So I go to the doctor (because as much as I love people staring at my chin when they are talking to me...) and as soon as he walks in, he takes one look at me and immediately, "Oh-[insert horrendously long mumbled medical term here]--impetigo! yeah, you have an infection."
He then proceeds to prescribe me some antibiotics and tells me that a side effect may be that my skin falls off and I am hospitalized. (No kidding, look up stevens-johnson syndrome. Only if you have a strong stomach though. It's terrifying.)
Then, as if it doesn't get better, he asks, "Would you mind if I took a picture of your chin for my NP lecture at the U? I update it every year and this is the perfect specimen. Don't worry, I won't give your name or anything- **SNAP."


Awesome.

So I'm just feeling kind of weird about this day.

And I'm not going to document it with snapchat, okay?
Good.

On a lighter note, please enjoy this fabulous song. I am going to their concert tomorrow gremlin-chin or NO, and I could not be more excited.