This semester has overwhelmed me, and consequently, my motivation has been less than kosher lately. But I was able to go to San Diego, and after doing several service projects with a group of about 21 very remarkable people, I feel so rejuvenated! It was seriously a gift to be able to go relax, have fun, lose myself in service (literally, my mind was finally off of the stress that Anatomy and nursing school has been placing in my life), and just take a break.
After spending time with such a wide variety of people (seriously, we had a pretty diverse bunch of people on this trip, and we all got along so fantastically it was almost weird:), I have been thinking a lot about diversity. I felt so connected to so many people this week. The people we served, and also the incredible people who were on the trip with me. And I was exposed to so much diversity. It was great.
After these first few years of college, it's been strange. Usually you'd expect people to be more extroverted and confident after two years of college, but I felt quite the opposite. The more I learned, the more I was just overwhelmed. I saw so many people poking fun at the ridiculous things that other people did; I felt judged by others. I met people who were so intelligent, and knew so much, and it just made me feel inadequate, like I should never open my mouth because I don't know as much and I didn't want to embarrass myself. I met people who hated people with positive attitudes, and were not afraid to let me know that they didn't appreciate mine. I started to hold back, keeping to myself. I was afraid, and that fear drove me to be so much less confident in myself than I should have been. And it has been a struggle. It also confused and frustrated me, because wasn't college the time where you were supposed to kind of get over the whole lack-of-confidence thing?
Anyway. I'm rambling, I'm sorry. But I was just struck with gratitude for the diversity of people this week. I met people who were so comfortable in their own skin, and they all had their own opinions. They were not afraid of showing others exactly who they were. And all of the different personalities fit together perfectly, like some beautiful puzzle. And it just inspired me. And they were all so kind and accepting of me, it just inspired me even more. I realized this (and I know, it's taken me 21 years to figure this out, right...), that it's okay to stand out. To be different. To have different beliefs. A different outlook on life. A different attitude. A different style.
Because those differences are what make this world so fantastic. They add flavor. They make life exciting. Can you imagine how boring life would be if everyone was just the same? Blegh!
I am grateful for the diversity of this world. I am grateful to live in country where I can embrace that diversity, and express myself and contribute in my very own way.
I'm still figuring out what that exactly entails, but I'm through holding back. My goal is this: to stop being afraid of expressing myself. To stop re-typing and re-thinking everything, to stop trying to impress others and to just be me. I want to embrace the diverseness of others, and accept them exactly as they are. Because their strengths and their weaknesses and quirks and ideas and opinions are exactly what make this world so great. I am going to be okay with the fact that some people just aren't going to like me, and that's okay. But it's a problem if I don't like me. So that means that I need to be okay with who I am, that I'm not perfect, and that I don't have to pretend that I am.
"Most people never fulfill their human promise and potential because they remain perpetually heplless children overwhelmed by a sense of inferiority. The feeling of being okay does not imply that the person has risen above all his faults and emotional problems. It merely implies that he refuses to be paralyzed by them."
Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the trip...
You are beautiful girl full of beautiful thoughts. I loved this. And can't wait to hear about the rest of your fantastic trip!
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