Saturday, December 29, 2012

June 24.
"Montaigne. The language of the street is always strong. What can describe the folly and emptiness of scolding like the word jawing? I feel too the force of the double negative, though clean contrary to our grammar rules. And I confess to some pleasure from the stinging rhetoric of a rattling oath in the mouth of truckmen and teamsters. How laconic and brisk it is.... cut these words and they would bleed; they are vascular and alive; they walk and run. Moreover, they who speak them have this elegancy, that they do not trip in their speech. It is a shower of bullets, whilst Cambridge men and Yale men correct themselves and begin again at every half sentence . . . "



Two thoughts:
1. I wish my journal entries sounded like Emerson's (above).
2. I love Christmas break, and all the time it brings for me to simply read.
Three more days of twenty-twelve, and I think I'll spend them doing just that.




Sunday, December 9, 2012

December 9th, 2012: "New Words"



 


A few years ago Brian Stokes Mitchell came and sang with the Mo Tab and performed this song during the concert, and it has definitely become on of my favorite songs during this time of year, even though it has nothing to do with Christmas.

This is the only version of this video I could find on YouTube, and it also happens to be the corniest thing I have come across all week. Complete with cheese-fest slideshow and everything. You know you love those. Perfection!

But seriously, guys, I have his Christmas CD in my car right now, and every time this song comes on, I turn into a total cheese ball and cry. I love it so much. This lullaby is so beautiful, and he performed it so passionately, I just eat that stuff up. Especially at 2:54....gets me every time.

I get overwhelmed that I have such incredible parents who raised me to know love well, because I witnessed it every single day in my home, and still do. And I hope I can pass just an inkling of that on someday.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

In Which My Finals-week Coping Mechanisms are Revealed

Finals week does things to you. It messes with your mind, as you grapple with the identity crisis-es that arise from believing that your self-worth is defined by a letter grade, one which depends majorly upon that single, terrifying, heinously comprehensive final exam. The air on campus is so thick right now it is almost laughable. But not really, because it's finals week. Not funny.

Every semester, it seems that I find a different coping mechanism

One semester, I coped by listening to the soundtrack of the Kiera Knightly version of "Pride and Prejudice" every waking moment (Seriously, is it even possible to not feel relaxed when listening to that gorgeous stuff? I submit that it is not).

Last semester, my roommates and I coped by watching Julian Smith videos on repeat until we all gave up and went to bed (this was a nightly ritual). 

But this semester's coping mechanism has completely taken me off guard! As many of you know, my subconscious self is not exactly the kindest person whilst sleeping. Just ask my dear old roommate Mallory, and she will tell you many a story of how kind I was to her when I was disturbed from my slumber. It is rare that I remember these instances, but I have many witnesses that will profess this truth: if you wake me up while I am trying to sleep, I am not a nice person. I will yell things at you, hit the wall, groan obnoxiously, etcetera, etcetera. I will wake up in the morning completely myself again with no recollection as to what happened the previous night. Awesome, right? Subconsciously, I am a total jerk. Great.

This semester, a new problem has arisen. My subconscious has resorted to swearing. In German. In my sleep.

My roommate informed me of this behavior this morning.
Um.
I did not see that one coming.
Why yes, it is quite obvious here that my subconscious is super classy.
Major brownie points when you have a brand-new roommate, too.
I will be honest here in saying I have never developed a swearing problem in my life. Trust me people, for some reason it has never been a problem for me (minus one small bout of it last semester during finals week, but I completely blame Andrew for that ;) 

I will now proceed to go cram some more Microbiology into my brain. Tomorrow, I am going to try and resort to some other stress-relievers, such as, actually going to the gym, dark chocolate, more pride and prejudice, and puppies.

(No, seriously, tomorrow is puppy day. Kaitlyn and I are literally renting a puppy, and I could not be more excited! Hopefully some good ol' quality puppy-time will help lower my cortisol levels and keep me sleeping soundly and kindly and sober-ly. We will see!)

Good night all! Here are some pinterest gems, for your viewing pleasure:

I think we can all relate to that.

Backwards. Got it.

Sorry, the words are kind of blurry, here is what they say:



Up for the challenge
We have to know WHAT?!
Trying... to grasp... concept...
Is this going to last forever??
During the test...
Test conquered.


Perfection. :) Good luck on your finals everyone! Hopefully you have some healthier ways to handle the stress of this week




Tuesday, July 31, 2012

July 31st, 2012: "Uprooted"

For some reason, the recent tragic event in Colorado made me think back to this poem that I encountered whilst living in Ukraine. It is displayed in the Chernobyl museum and is about hope rising from the ashes of tragedy. 
Even though the ghost-town of Pripyet was off-limits to ILP girls, we were able to visit the Chernobyl memorial museum. There I experienced a small taste of the sorrows of that unforgiving event. I left that museum feeling a strange sense of hope, despite it being such a tragic memory. And for some reason the recent shootings in Colorado made me think back to this poem that was brushed carefully into one of the paintings at that museum. It's long, but worth the read.

"On April 26, 1986, power plant reactor #4 
exploded, releasing 250 million curies of radioactive materials into the
environment.  It is the deadliest nuclear accident of all time and
the people of Ukraine must still endure the aftermath."
The author of the following poem was profoundly moved by the vulnerable widows
and children I encountered in Pripyet, a town near the "dead zone." 
These words are displayed in both English and 
Russian at the Chernobyl National Museum:

Uprooted: Mother Ukraine

If a man's thoughts dye his soul
What kind of stain do his deeds leave?
A hazardous spill
On himself and upon the laps of others
Who share the same air
Breathing in and out, in and out
Now, there is bitterness that abounds
In the bread basket to the north
Uprooted family trees, with forgotten people
In yellow photos, dangling down
Wooden cradles set ablaze in the forest
Where blue light sprang from place to place
Luminescent, deadly beautiful
Reminiscent of sparklers
Crackling at a May Day parade
The rain has become hot tears pouring down
Falling down, dropping to the earth
The fragmented rivulets on a musical score
Splash on these paper lives
Fragile and all too brief
The muffled sobbing is a melody
But only to the ears of Him unseen
It's an aria of the heart that sings a Capella
The high pitched notes of pain

Yet, he who suffers speaks a wordless language
That can be understood, although the tongue is mute
It transcends dialects, country lines
And political ideologies...
Uprooted but not alone

I have seen lives irrevocably changed
In one moment in time
From one thoughtless, careless decision
Leaving ancient villages empty
Doors are swinging on squeaky hinges
For all eternity, plus seven years more
And the plastic dolls of stolen youth
Sit on dust covered window panes
Vacantly gazing at the loss...
Uprooted but not alone

Heartbreak and tragedy
Are no respecter of persons, traditions, religions
Or plans
It is blinded by skin color
And the coins in one's purse
I have been told that fear is like rust
That eats away hope, little by little
Corroding all confidence
This invisible acid obliterates desire
Until we are mere shells, with nothing more inside...
Uprooted, but not alone

I believe that love is a salve
To be spread on the wound to heal and soothe
Able to mend the innermost places
That are hidden from man
Faith causes that page to turn
Just because today's sunshine is blocked out by clouds
Doesn't mean the sun is gone
If God seems silent
It doesn't mean He has left us or doesn't hear our cries
Perhaps, we are the ones who aren't listening
To the voice that is gentle and low
Tender and always near
We must be quiet and still, He is here
And anxious to woo us to Him like a lover
He will be revealed once more...
Uprooted but not alone

There is a day that dawns upon all of our broken lives
That we are able to see clearly
If we look with unjaded eyes
That we are all people with ruined dreams
With unrealized plans
Yet, somehow they can fit perfectly into His bigger picture
And become breathtakingly beautiful, in time

Uprooted, but never alone
From these strange ashes
Hope will rise!

(c) Launa

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

June 28th, 2012: "Completely Chockablock"

So, one of my close friends has been sending me a word of the day, and it is vastly entertaining. Chockablock was one of the words this week, and it means this: crammed full of people or things. Now, as it always goes with the word of the day, I am probably using it completely wrong. But it's still a cool word and I liked it so.... there's your long explanation for the title. :)

My life has been crammed lately... but when people ask me what's new, I don't usually have anything very exciting to say. No, I am not dating anyone (thank you for asking me that for the nth time, I'm glad it is the first thing that seems to come up in conversations), no, I don't have any exciting trips planned, and yes, I am working and studying. That's about it. It does get sort of monotonous every once and a while, being so busy, but, it really is such an opportunity as well. I love it. I love learning, and although studying in the summer is excruciatingly difficult at times, I absolutely love the class. We all know I love my job, so that's not new. Becoming a med tech has really started to prepare me for nursing school. It is hard, but fun, and I'm getting better at it. So that is rewarding, to say the least.

Speaking of which. I find out about that on Saturday. Nursing school. BYU. Yes, I am getting my answer in LESS THAN THREE DAYS!
I just want to know, even if it's a NO. Because you know what? I can handle that. I know that although the immediate future is kind of hazy, my long-term future is certain. I will end up exactly where I am supposed to be-- eventually. Exactly how I get there is just the unknown part.  But it's gonna happen. I can just feel it. I just have to keep chugging along, and enjoying the normal, routine days that life has been throwing at me lately. I love them. I wish to live my whole life waking up excited about the day ahead, even when I'm ninety-seven and wondering "when the good Lord'll take me" (as one of my residents likes to say). The routine days make me appreciate the more exciting ones! And of course, I always have the excitement of knowing the best is yet to come. If that doesn't make each day exciting, I don't know what will!


Sunday, March 18, 2012

March 18th, 2012: "Break Time"

This week was a much-needed break. A breather, a pause, a time in which I was able to step back and sort of "spring-clean" my attitude. 
This semester has overwhelmed me, and consequently, my motivation has been less than kosher lately. But I was able to go to San Diego, and after doing several service projects with a group of about 21 very remarkable people, I feel so rejuvenated! It was seriously a gift to be able to go relax, have fun, lose myself in service (literally, my mind was finally off of the stress that Anatomy and nursing school has been placing in my life), and just take a break.

After spending time with such a wide variety of people (seriously, we had a pretty diverse bunch of people on this trip, and we all got along so fantastically it was almost weird:), I have been thinking a lot about diversity. I felt so connected to so many people this week. The people we served, and also the incredible people who were on the trip with me. And I was exposed to so much diversity. It was great.

After these first few years of college, it's been strange. Usually you'd expect people to be more extroverted and confident after two years of college, but I felt quite the opposite. The more I learned, the more I was just overwhelmed.  I saw so many people poking fun at the ridiculous things that other people did; I felt judged by others. I met people who were so intelligent, and knew so much, and it just made me feel inadequate, like I should never open my mouth because I don't know as much and I didn't want to embarrass myself. I met people who hated people with positive attitudes, and were not afraid to let me know that they didn't appreciate mine. I started to hold back, keeping to myself. I was afraid, and that fear drove me to be so much less confident in myself than I should have been. And it has been a struggle. It also confused and frustrated me, because wasn't college the time where you were supposed to kind of get over the whole lack-of-confidence thing?

Anyway. I'm rambling, I'm sorry. But I was just struck with gratitude for the diversity of people this week. I met people who were so comfortable in their own skin, and they all had their own opinions. They were not afraid of showing others exactly who they were.  And all of the different personalities fit together perfectly, like some beautiful puzzle. And it just inspired me. And they were all so kind and accepting of me, it just inspired me even more. I realized this (and I know, it's taken me 21 years to figure this out, right...), that it's okay to stand out. To be different. To have different beliefs. A different outlook on life. A different attitude. A different style.
Because those differences are what make this world so fantastic. They add flavor. They make life exciting.  Can you imagine how boring life would be if everyone was just the same? Blegh!

I am grateful for the diversity of this world. I am grateful to live in country where I can embrace that diversity, and express myself and contribute in my very own way.
I'm still figuring out what that exactly entails, but I'm through holding back. My goal is this: to stop being afraid of expressing myself. To stop re-typing and re-thinking everything, to stop trying to impress others and to just be me. I want to embrace the diverseness of others, and accept them exactly as they are.  Because their strengths and their weaknesses and quirks and ideas and opinions are exactly what make this world so great. I am going to be okay with the fact that some people just aren't going to like me, and that's okay. But it's a problem if I don't like me. So that means that I need to be okay with who I am, that I'm not perfect, and that I don't have to pretend that I am.

"Most people never fulfill their human promise and potential because they remain perpetually heplless children overwhelmed by a sense of inferiority. The feeling of being okay does not imply that the person has risen above all his faults and emotional problems. It merely implies that he refuses to be paralyzed by them."


Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the trip...





Wednesday, February 29, 2012

February 29th 2012: This one is for Mallory. :) "Dear Boys...."

I have been inspired! By two wonderful posts, my roommate's here, and this fabulous blogger, here. Consequently, I felt like writing my own, so here you have it, folks, drum-roll please. Here is a peek into the oh-so-spicy (cough) love-life of me. Lucky you.

Dear Recess,
You were my first crush. Moving schools was about as traumatic as it could get for a 2nd grader. You kissed me on the cheek one day--Harry-Potter style-whilst we were standing in line at recess, and then ran away as fast as you humanely could. I turned bright red and was triumphantly twitterpated. Remember when we used to play house? Those were some good times. Then you grew up and acted super weird. It was never meant to be.
Love, The New Girl

Dear Beach-Shorts,
Oh, those beach shorts were definitely.... unique. And you had really nice hair. I apparently liked those two things enough, and you didn't seem to mind my awkward perm, glasses, and leggings pulled up to high heaven. Those 3 months of tag at recess were fun.
Love, Science geek

Dear Root Beer,
I should have known that ward-romances never end up going well. I liked you for a LONG time. I think you know I'm not exaggerating. I thought it was so romantic that I left that "anonymous" note in your locker one day, but really, it was just grade-A stalker behavior. You used to hit me with your safety-patrol flag while I walked by you across the street. I know you liked me too, because of all that oh so romantic eye-contact we always made, as we stole glances at each other during church and in the halls. But that was really the extent of our relationship. Once I tripped in front of you, and you actually talked to me, asking me if I was okay. I was on cloud nine for weeks. Once I tried to look behind my shoulder to catch a glance at you, and I ran into a garbage can. Awesome.
Love, Grown Up

Dear MSN,
Oh those 2-AM messenger conversations we used to have. And that orange gum? That was pretty much what started it all, in Mrs. Howell's class. Also, the fact that we played duets together was quite romantic. We were a pretty good duo. You were almost my first kiss, but sadly, lover boy was in my life and I had moved on. I'm sorry I turned my head when you tried to kiss me. I'm sorry I backed off and dropped you because you overwhelmed me with your emotional ways. I instantly put you right into the friend zone. Thank you for forgiving me for that. I'm so glad we're still friends.
Love, The Piano Player

Dear Lover Boy,
Why were we so awkward? I am sorry I was too nervous at homecoming to give you a real kiss. It would have been perfect, and you know we both wanted to. But we couldn't even hold hands on the love-sac, even though our hands were pretty much touching. We were both too nervous. Then a few weeks later, as soon as I musted up the courage to kiss you, you instead went ahead and kissed my close friend. That was just classy. I liked you a lot, but was just too shy for my own good. When lover-girl told me you had kissed her, I'll admit, I reacted with a little bit of tearing up. I then immediately had to go take student government pictures for the yearbook. They turned out horrible. I blame you. It took me a long time to get over you, but I succeeded, and now I look back on that whole experience with a smile. I'm also glad we're still friends.
Love, You Missed

Dear Gravedigger,
You were my first boyfriend. You were my first kiss. You wooed me on the first date by dancing the waltz with me. I was flying. You were as close as I'll ever get to choir-tour romance. You got the same job as me just because you thought it would be fun to have a secret restaurant-romance. Well, that was weird.  Our relationship was weird. Why it took so long to get over you will always remain a mystery... I was kind of really hung up on you. Looking back, I see how ridiculous I acted....I'm glad that's over. Also, Avatar is a stupid cartoon. I lied to you that day when I said I was enjoying it. And I own a microwave. Sorry.
Love, Tally-Hall

Dear Guitar,
You fooled us all. And I still get the willies when I think of you. But I do not regret dating you, because I learned how vital communication is in a relationship. "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles describes to a "T" exactly how I feel about you. You decided to plan my life out for me without my content, which was a stupid idea. You were also manipulative, needy, and controlling. Sorry. I was a college freshman and too shy to figure it out at first. But I thank you for opening my eyes. You are the reason I have such a big bubble. I wish you the best and am so glad you finally found someone. Also, I WILL own a television in my future home, thanks.
Love, Thanks anyway

Dear Sharks,
"Apology muffins" are not going to cut the fact that you totally played me. Also, the girl you chose over me is totally dating someone else right now instead of "waiting" for you to return from your 2-year mission.Woops!
Love, Too Bad

Dear Shvenn,
I have never laughed so hard as I did with you. You are fantastic in so many aspects of the word. I still get butterflies when I see you, which really stinks. I regret not letting you know that I liked you more than a friend when I had the chance. But I was leaving for Ukraine and was kind of focused on other things. You were the first person I felt comfortable singing around, and you made me feel like a million bucks. Sadly, as soon as I started liking you, I put you on a pedestal. This frustrates me like none other, because I can never quite be myself around you anymore, no matter what I do. Now you have a girlfriend. But I'll get over it, because I think she is fabulous. Thanks for still treating me genuinely well even though I act like a goat around you because of that pedestal thing.
Love, Working On It

Dear Ukrainian,
I would have gone for it had I not been scared to get sent home at my own expense. Also, as fun as it would have been to have a fling in another country, I knew it would never have gone anywhere, and that I would have been completely selfish in choosing that. I didn't want to get in the way of you finding someone really perfect for you. Which you did, and just happened to marry this month. CONGRATULATIONS!
Love, Katroosya

Dear Psychology,
You overwhelmed me. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance, but you were controlling from the get-go.
Love, Pre-Nursing

Dear High-five,
I'm sorry I made you cry on Valentine's day. I honestly didn't mean to. I just wanted to be friends.
Love, Heartbreaker?

Dear Chuck,
I love that your voice goes higher when you get nervous. I think you are fabulous.
Love, The Pilot

Dear Musician,
Please, when you ask a girl out in the future, call instead of text. It'll do a world of good.
Love, Uncoordinated

Dear Doctor,
You are fun. I'm excited to see if this goes anywhere.
Love, Loganite

Later...