February 29th 2012: This one is for Mallory. :) "Dear Boys...."

I have been inspired! By two wonderful posts, my roommate's here, and this fabulous blogger, here. Consequently, I felt like writing my own, so here you have it, folks, drum-roll please. Here is a peek into the oh-so-spicy (cough) love-life of me. Lucky you.

Dear Recess,
You were my first crush. Moving schools was about as traumatic as it could get for a 2nd grader. You kissed me on the cheek one day--Harry-Potter style-whilst we were standing in line at recess, and then ran away as fast as you humanely could. I turned bright red and was triumphantly twitterpated. Remember when we used to play house? Those were some good times. Then you grew up and acted super weird. It was never meant to be.
Love, The New Girl

Dear Beach-Shorts,
Oh, those beach shorts were definitely.... unique. And you had really nice hair. I apparently liked those two things enough, and you didn't seem to mind my awkward perm, glasses, and leggings pulled up to high heaven. Those 3 months of tag at recess were fun.
Love, Science geek

Dear Root Beer,
I should have known that ward-romances never end up going well. I liked you for a LONG time. I think you know I'm not exaggerating. I thought it was so romantic that I left that "anonymous" note in your locker one day, but really, it was just grade-A stalker behavior. You used to hit me with your safety-patrol flag while I walked by you across the street. I know you liked me too, because of all that oh so romantic eye-contact we always made, as we stole glances at each other during church and in the halls. But that was really the extent of our relationship. Once I tripped in front of you, and you actually talked to me, asking me if I was okay. I was on cloud nine for weeks. Once I tried to look behind my shoulder to catch a glance at you, and I ran into a garbage can. Awesome.
Love, Grown Up

Dear MSN,
Oh those 2-AM messenger conversations we used to have. And that orange gum? That was pretty much what started it all, in Mrs. Howell's class. Also, the fact that we played duets together was quite romantic. We were a pretty good duo. You were almost my first kiss, but sadly, lover boy was in my life and I had moved on. I'm sorry I turned my head when you tried to kiss me. I'm sorry I backed off and dropped you because you overwhelmed me with your emotional ways. I instantly put you right into the friend zone. Thank you for forgiving me for that. I'm so glad we're still friends.
Love, The Piano Player

Dear Lover Boy,
Why were we so awkward? I am sorry I was too nervous at homecoming to give you a real kiss. It would have been perfect, and you know we both wanted to. But we couldn't even hold hands on the love-sac, even though our hands were pretty much touching. We were both too nervous. Then a few weeks later, as soon as I musted up the courage to kiss you, you instead went ahead and kissed my close friend. That was just classy. I liked you a lot, but was just too shy for my own good. When lover-girl told me you had kissed her, I'll admit, I reacted with a little bit of tearing up. I then immediately had to go take student government pictures for the yearbook. They turned out horrible. I blame you. It took me a long time to get over you, but I succeeded, and now I look back on that whole experience with a smile. I'm also glad we're still friends.
Love, You Missed

Dear Gravedigger,
You were my first boyfriend. You were my first kiss. You wooed me on the first date by dancing the waltz with me. I was flying. You were as close as I'll ever get to choir-tour romance. You got the same job as me just because you thought it would be fun to have a secret restaurant-romance. Well, that was weird.  Our relationship was weird. Why it took so long to get over you will always remain a mystery... I was kind of really hung up on you. Looking back, I see how ridiculous I acted....I'm glad that's over. Also, Avatar is a stupid cartoon. I lied to you that day when I said I was enjoying it. And I own a microwave. Sorry.
Love, Tally-Hall

Dear Guitar,
You fooled us all. And I still get the willies when I think of you. But I do not regret dating you, because I learned how vital communication is in a relationship. "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles describes to a "T" exactly how I feel about you. You decided to plan my life out for me without my content, which was a stupid idea. You were also manipulative, needy, and controlling. Sorry. I was a college freshman and too shy to figure it out at first. But I thank you for opening my eyes. You are the reason I have such a big bubble. I wish you the best and am so glad you finally found someone. Also, I WILL own a television in my future home, thanks.
Love, Thanks anyway

Dear Sharks,
"Apology muffins" are not going to cut the fact that you totally played me. Also, the girl you chose over me is totally dating someone else right now instead of "waiting" for you to return from your 2-year mission.Woops!
Love, Too Bad

Dear Shvenn,
I have never laughed so hard as I did with you. You are fantastic in so many aspects of the word. I still get butterflies when I see you, which really stinks. I regret not letting you know that I liked you more than a friend when I had the chance. But I was leaving for Ukraine and was kind of focused on other things. You were the first person I felt comfortable singing around, and you made me feel like a million bucks. Sadly, as soon as I started liking you, I put you on a pedestal. This frustrates me like none other, because I can never quite be myself around you anymore, no matter what I do. Now you have a girlfriend. But I'll get over it, because I think she is fabulous. Thanks for still treating me genuinely well even though I act like a goat around you because of that pedestal thing.
Love, Working On It

Dear Ukrainian,
I would have gone for it had I not been scared to get sent home at my own expense. Also, as fun as it would have been to have a fling in another country, I knew it would never have gone anywhere, and that I would have been completely selfish in choosing that. I didn't want to get in the way of you finding someone really perfect for you. Which you did, and just happened to marry this month. CONGRATULATIONS!
Love, Katroosya

Dear Psychology,
You overwhelmed me. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance, but you were controlling from the get-go.
Love, Pre-Nursing

Dear High-five,
I'm sorry I made you cry on Valentine's day. I honestly didn't mean to. I just wanted to be friends.
Love, Heartbreaker?

Dear Chuck,
I love that your voice goes higher when you get nervous. I think you are fabulous.
Love, The Pilot

Dear Musician,
Please, when you ask a girl out in the future, call instead of text. It'll do a world of good.
Love, Uncoordinated

Dear Doctor,
You are fun. I'm excited to see if this goes anywhere.
Love, Loganite

Later...