Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Monday, May 13, 2013

So I went to Mexico This Week...


....and I am pretty sure that I am the only girl on the planet who can say that after spending a week in Mexico, she came home whiter than she started off. 
Observe the picture above. My legs have a little bit of color, do they not? Yes! 
(That was taken on the first day)

(At the resort...also taken on the first day)
At the end of the week, everyone had become a beautiful golden bronze, whilst I lagged behind, literally whiter than I started off, thank you genetics.

Trust me guys, I have tried time and time again to tan my legs.
When I was in Italy, I wore shorts every day and barely, if at all, applied sunscreen. I ended up with white legs and a rash. Awesome.
So I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: The spray-on tan.
Now, go ahead and take your little moment of judgement, because I know that's what you're doing. Feel better? Great. 

Here are the pros of this method:
1. If you go to the right person, they do it well, and it doesn't look streaky or orange
2. It moisturizes your skin
3. It smells amazing (once again, you have to go to the right person, or else it might smell pretty weird)
4. No freckles or wrinkles from sun damage
5. No skin cancer. And we all know how much I am avoiding that one.

..and the cons:
1. It only lasts about 6 days, and then it starts to look pretty streaky and terrible. 
(Say goodbye to the shorts after day six)
2. You can't shower for 24 hours after you get it, and that makes you feel grody.

oh, would you look at that? Five to Two. I think we have ourselves a winner.

Girls with genes like mine do not really have that many options, you know?
Try to tan, burn instead, get skin cancer
Or, pay twenty bucks and enjoy a few days of pretending. 
Here am I, with the crew in Puerto Penasco on the third day, wearing shorts, a lovely first for me
I choose the latter, and all you people who think I'm exaggerating, get a look at the white on me after 5 days in Mexico:

Ow, ow! Beautiful, blinding white. And believe me, I was in the sun constantly.

 Apparently one of my callings in life is to simply make those around me feel tan, and
So far I have a 100% success rate. 
MisiĆ³n Cumplida.

Oh, and by the way, Mexico was fabulous. I'll post more pictures soon. :)

Friday, April 12, 2013

On Getting Hit-on Constantly, by 80 year-old men.

Old man #1: "Hey, you date?"

 ---"Yeah, nobody in particular at the moment but I do date.."

"Well... you are great at what you do, and you're cute. If I was 35 years younger, I'd date you."

Old man #2: "Me Too! I'd take you for a ride up the canyon in my Monster Truck, if I still had it," 
(Side note: this man is a pathological liar, and it is extremely entertaining. There is no way of really knowing if he actually did own a monster truck, but he definitely sparred with Chuck Norris and was a millionaire, and also snuck onto a submarine in the War and has broken every bone in his body and slept with over 100,000 women at one point of his life. He also somehow manages to live life with only a left ventricle and one lung, and is on first-name basis with Mitt Romney. So don't you worry about it.)

#1: "Yeah, I'd take you for rides outside just to show you off."
#2: "I would be totally respectful, and I mean I wouldn't rape you or anything, we'd just go for a nice ride up the canyon in my monster truck..."

Things quickly got awkward. Let's move on.

I had a good laugh, and thanks, I really am flattered. In a, when your grandma pinches your cheek and tells you you are adorable, kind of way.

Well driving home was fun too. Got hit on by two extremely attractive guys in the car next to me at a red light. Now, these situations are fun, but let's talk about what happens in my head vs what actually happens:

Exhibit A:



 Except Vice Versa, as I am a female, not Rowan Atkinson. But you get the point.

"Hey! You're cute. What's your name? ...You should text me,
but not while driving.." (People, I was at a red light. There is no shame in texting at a red light. And this text was extremely important. but not important enough to keep me from talking back to these two striking young men)

So, naturally I act cool..
Which translates to,

I act like an idiot.

They ask for my number.
Light turns green.
I "cooly" tell them my number as I drive away, hair blowing in the wind, music turned up..
Which translates to,

nervously mumble-yelling my number in a loud voice as I totally floor it, barely giving them a chance to hear the "eight-oh-one!" (this reaction played out a lot smoother in my head 0.2 seconds before it actually happened)

Smooth move, kait. Smooth. Move. At least it makes for a good story though. (Cue thinking of really smooth things I could have said 5 minutes after it happened)

Afterwards I decide I need another red light so I can finish my important text message, which naturally means that in the first time in 10 months I hit EVERY single light on University Parkway green, which for anyone who has ever lived in Provo will tell you, that is a straight-out Christmas MIRACLE. 

Oh, and I then witnessed a three-car pileup 20 feet in front of me at an intersection.


Good day.


Back to the 80-year olds. It is nice that you wish to date me and show me off,  thank you for the compliment, but tell that to the 21 year olds my age. I mean, I have won the hearts of plenty an 80-year old, but things get a little complicated when we narrow things down to my actual generation. Now this is partly my fault, because I actually really enjoy the single life, perhaps a little too much at times...




...but sometimes you do wonder. Come on fella, you can hurry it up a bit can't you? I'm pretty fine waiting, but you know. I am almost 22, ("oh no, heaven forbid," says delusional provo), so everyone back home thinks that I am going down the cat-lady path. (Which if I do go down that path, I would totally choose goats over cats).

For now, I'll just take the compliments for what they are. Look, sir, I am sorry but I am just here to give you your pills, and there is also kind of a huge age gap. 

Laughter is good for the soul, and these moments somehow never get old for me.  Pun Definitely Intended.

Good Day.