In Which my Philosophies on Dating are Explained

Take this for what it is you guys, I am just a girl who is in the midst of the Provo dating scene and I definitely don't have everything figured out just yet (nor do I think I ever will!). What works for me might not work for other people...I also might add that like most of the general population, I am horrible at following my own advice. That being said, I hope you enjoy reading this! Aaaand here we go:

1. If a guy is interested in you, he'll make it happen. Too often I see girls (and I used to find myself in this trap, as well), who are just convinced that they should fight to make it happen with a guy, or wait around for copious amounts of time to see if it happens. Fight for his attention, make themselves known, "bump" into him at random times to try and get themselves noticed (although this one DID work for Elaine S. Dalton, apparently-- she openly admitted to memorizing her crush's [and future husband's] schedule).
I am a firm believer that if a guy is interested, you'll know. He will call you up and invite you places. He will make an effort to text you back. He will find and make time for you to be in his life. If he's not, if you even question that due to his "negligent" behavior, he's probably just not that into you. And you know what? That's okay. I think the initial ball is in the guy's court on this one. After he makes an effort and you know he's interested, ladies, you need to put in some work too. But initially, the guy has to be the one to get the ball rollin'.

2. Honesty is the best policy. Don't string people along. Don't allow people to string you along, either. This only ends in frustration and hurt. The best way is to be perfectly upfront about how you are feeling. If you just aren't feeling it, tell them. If you are confused about your feelings, tell them. If you are smitten, tell them. We are all adults, right? Handle it that way. If you aren't interested, don't just ignore them and hope that the thing resolves itself out. I have talked to several guys on this one, and they all have told me that they would rather a girl be honest about telling them they are not interested sooner than later, and the same goes for girls. Just be kind and tactful about the way you do it.

3. The First Date Rule: I have heard so many girls say that they have a "first date rule." This means that they believe it is important to give every guy who asks them out a chance. I disagree with this rule in my own life, but I do think it has its place. If I am totally not interested up front, I am not going to say yes to the first date. I just don't feel it is fair to waste a guy's time and money if you ABSOLUTELY know that it isn't going to go anywhere. If you aren't sure, and are sitting on the fence about it, then yes, give them a chance. You might be surprised what you find.

Here's another thing: too many times I have seen girls take this rule Too. Far.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is to hear a girl say, "I'm not interested, but I am going to go out with him anyway. Free dinner, right?" 
Girls, STOP! If you're leaving on a mission anytime soon and aren't looking for anything at the moment, if for any reason you really don't see it ever happening, why are you wasting this guy's time and cash? This is low. If I hear any girl say this again in the future I will really have to resist the urge to slap her right square on the nasal concha.

4. Don't be Fooled by the Aggregation Effect: So many people around, so many with several fabulous qualities and quirks and talents and characteristics-- it fools you into thinking there's one out there that possesses all of those things.
 Don't fall prey to this. It is very easy to do, especially when meeting new people is plentiful in places such as college towns. As Elder Holland puts it, and I am paraphrasing, but there is no perfect person out there, and if there was, they certainly would have no interest in you! Keep an open mind. It is important to explore, but try not to pass up someone wonderful in search of that perfect person who does not exist. 

5. Exclusive dating does not have to mean marriage:  Yes, only date people with qualities you want your future spouse to have, but stop being so chicken about getting exclusive. Just because you are exclusive with a guy or girl does not mean you have to marry them. You are supposed to be exploring and learning and moving forward... so stop freaking out. (This is easier said than done, especially for me:)

6. Think of the current moment as the goal:  Yes, it's important to be thinking of your future and looking forward to it. But if you are sitting there on the first date and starting to think how great that guy is going to look in a tux at your wedding, then you are taking it too far. I have found that it works wonders to think of the current moment as the goal. If you are on a first, second, third date with someone, don't pattern your thoughts too far ahead. Enjoy the moment, lighten up, and have fun. Don't pester your mind with thoughts about whether or not you think he'll ask you out tomorrow, or whether she is "the one." Keep yourself balanced and enjoy the moment you are spending together!

7. Do your own thing, and don't judge Everybody else for the way they do theirs: When I volunteered abroad for a few months, there was a small bout of time when a rumor got taken too far and everybody in the facebooking world thought that This guy and I were engaged:

It was funny, but it kind of disturbed me how many people believed I could fall for a guy in only 3 short months. I believe in four seasons and a road trip, you guys. But a lot of people I know are happily married and only dated a few short months. I guess what I am trying to say is, it may not be your style, (it isn't mine), but don't look down upon or judge others if they are doing it differently than you. Also, don't let other people's opinions stop you from doing what you feel is right.

8. Enjoy It: If you are single and find yourself feeling unwanted, or pressured, stop. Don't be in such a hurry. Your worth is not dependent upon how many Friday nights are booked up with dates. This is a fabulous time of life. Enjoy it! If your dating life is not going exactly the way you'd like it to (I am sure this sums up about 90% of the single young adult population), do whatever you can that is in your control, and then simply let the rest go.


I am definitely interested to hear any opinions on this, do you disagree or agree with what I have said? What are YOUR philosophies on dating? Anything you think I should touch upon or you would like to add? Biggest dating pet peeves? There are so many different philosophies out there and I certainly have an interest in what you have to say:) Thanks for reading!

so you want to be a true aggie?

A year ago this month, I was getting ready to leave USU for good.
As anyone who attends USU knows, becoming a True Aggie is somewhat of a token of pride. (If you care about that sort of thing. Which I happen to know that I do.)
Here's how it works: There is an "A" pedestal on campus, and in order to become a true aggie, one must stand atop the "A" under the full moon at midnight, and pucker up for someone else who has already become a true-aggie. So one passes on the ritualistic tradition to another. (And then you get a little card, to make things official. I pretty much did it for the card... just like I only ran my half-marathon for the t-shirt. Let's move on.)

Here's the card! I'll show you what it says later

Well, I was about to leave USU forever. And I wasn't going to leave it empty-handed. I mean come on. I wasn't about to go grow up and eventually tell my kids that I went to Utah State for two years and didn't come out a True Aggie! I lived a little, thank you very much! I had fun in college! It wasn't just spent pulling my hair out at the library! That is what I will tell my children, and they will believe me. It will be a powerful life-lesson for all.

So April rolled around. I had been on several dates, and they were all... just.. no. Nobody I was really dying to lock lips with. If you want to hear some funny stories, ask Mal, I was a total wreck that semester. 
 Feast or famine, ladies and gentlemen. Finally, it was my last month at USU, and it was time to take action.  Some people just show up to true-ag night and kiss some random stranger. I wouldn't put it past myself to do that, but I am also not really ready to jump on the Epstein-Barr-bandwagon (that is just a fancy name for mono).
Luckily, I had a good friend who learned of my predicament and kindly offered his...services (ha, ha). 

(Things got a little complicated when some random guy decided to ask me out that night...
I had been planning true-ag night for a month, you guys. It was serious business. But of course I wanted to go on the date, so... I simply told the guy I needed to end it early.
I believe he was under the impression that I was going to go home and study for an upcoming test afterwards? Not intentional)

Awkward moment #1: Seeing the date-ee that I ditched, at True Aggie night. Woops.

Anyway we got there. I envisioned it to be all...I don't know... classy? Soft moonlight, starry sky, kiss.. great.
Well... whatever. It was definitely not classy.

I knew my anticipation was wrong as soon as I saw the tacky wal-mart twinkle lights. Blegh.
There was no soft moonlight, in fact, there was just the opposite: bright stage-lights. Everywhere!
And there was a huuuuge line for the "A."  So many people. So much tackiness in one place.
So not waiting in that.

Midnight approaches. I am fine.
Suddenly everyone starts counting down! (tacky again!) Suddenly I am not fine.
You guys, I totally froze. I started freaking out. There were people everywhere, but fella and I were just standing in this huge open area under the blaring lights, and I felt like everyone and their dog were staring at us. The rest is kind of a blur, because I honestly had no idea what to do.

Well, as soon as midnight struck of course fella knew what to do and promptly kissed me and that was that. All things returned to normal, I got my card, and we went home. Anticlimactic? Maybe. Worth it? Definitely.

This is what I was envisioning, except perhaps with a popped foot for dramatic effect. Classy, right? Just look at that dress.

This is what I got. Note the hoards of people and the BLINDING lights. No thanks.

I must say that experience was just..memorable. To say the least. And now I have my official card, so it's all good, and I am content.  Also, mom, don't look him up. He's married now. haha

So if you want to be a True Aggie? My two cents? Just do it. Everybody loves kissing. You burn like 6 calories a minute when you are kissing. It's just a win-win for all. Just go into it prepared, though. Realize that it is kind of for the experience, and it is definitely not sophisticated or romantic or any other such adjectives. Mazel Tov to you all. You only live once, so get out there and do something about it :)

Winner!

On Getting Hit-on Constantly, by 80 year-old men.

Old man #1: "Hey, you date?"

 ---"Yeah, nobody in particular at the moment but I do date.."

"Well... you are great at what you do, and you're cute. If I was 35 years younger, I'd date you."

Old man #2: "Me Too! I'd take you for a ride up the canyon in my Monster Truck, if I still had it," 
(Side note: this man is a pathological liar, and it is extremely entertaining. There is no way of really knowing if he actually did own a monster truck, but he definitely sparred with Chuck Norris and was a millionaire, and also snuck onto a submarine in the War and has broken every bone in his body and slept with over 100,000 women at one point of his life. He also somehow manages to live life with only a left ventricle and one lung, and is on first-name basis with Mitt Romney. So don't you worry about it.)

#1: "Yeah, I'd take you for rides outside just to show you off."
#2: "I would be totally respectful, and I mean I wouldn't rape you or anything, we'd just go for a nice ride up the canyon in my monster truck..."

Things quickly got awkward. Let's move on.

I had a good laugh, and thanks, I really am flattered. In a, when your grandma pinches your cheek and tells you you are adorable, kind of way.

Well driving home was fun too. Got hit on by two extremely attractive guys in the car next to me at a red light. Now, these situations are fun, but let's talk about what happens in my head vs what actually happens:

Exhibit A:

 Except Vice Versa, as I am a female, not Rowan Atkinson. But you get the point.

"Hey! You're cute. What's your name? ...You should text me,
but not while driving.." (People, I was at a red light. There is no shame in texting at a red light. And this text was extremely important. but not important enough to keep me from talking back to these two striking young men)

So, naturally I act cool..
Which translates to,

I act like an idiot.

They ask for my number.
Light turns green.
I "cooly" tell them my number as I drive away, hair blowing in the wind, music turned up..
Which translates to,

nervously mumble-yelling my number in a loud voice as I totally floor it, barely giving them a chance to hear the "eight-oh-one!" (this reaction played out a lot smoother in my head 0.2 seconds before it actually happened)

Smooth move, kait. Smooth. Move. At least it makes for a good story though. (Cue thinking of really smooth things I could have said 5 minutes after it happened)

Afterwards I decide I need another red light so I can finish my important text message, which naturally means that in the first time in 10 months I hit EVERY single light on University Parkway green, which for anyone who has ever lived in Provo will tell you, that is a straight-out Christmas MIRACLE. 

Oh, and I then witnessed a three-car pileup 20 feet in front of me at an intersection.


Good day.


Back to the 80-year olds. It is nice that you wish to date me and show me off,  thank you for the compliment, but tell that to the 21 year olds my age. I mean, I have won the hearts of plenty an 80-year old, but things get a little complicated when we narrow things down to my actual generation. Now this is partly my fault, because I actually really enjoy the single life, perhaps a little too much at times...

...but sometimes you do wonder. Come on fella, you can hurry it up a bit can't you? I'm pretty fine waiting, but you know. I am almost 22, ("oh no, heaven forbid," says delusional provo), so everyone back home thinks that I am going down the cat-lady path. (Which if I do go down that path, I would totally choose goats over cats).

For now, I'll just take the compliments for what they are. Look, sir, I am sorry but I am just here to give you your pills, and there is also kind of a huge age gap. 

Laughter is good for the soul, and these moments somehow never get old for me.  Pun Definitely Intended.

Good Day.

White Knight

So, seeing as I am not living in Kyiv anymore, it is time to jump back to this much-neglected blog. (If you have nothing else to do and wish to read of my adventures, you can find them here.)

Pictures always make everything better. I am already missing this place

Right now I am in London, sitting by myself in the London Airport and eating a lovely breakfast of eggs and salmon and toast with marmalade, in my little corner, in my hat. I must say I feel quite sophisticated. This is not to say that I am, but do I have a feeling London has a way of making even the most uncoordinated creature feel sophisticated. I am really gonna miss this whole independence travel the world adventuring thing.  But that's an entirely different rant. I made a mistake last night, and it happened somewhere in-between Kings Cross and Royal Victoria.

     Here is what you find on the platform when you board the tube. For some reason I am fascinated by the way they phrase things

You see, I went to Kyiv with one carry-on, one large suitcase, and one medium one. I ended up having to throw away the medium one, send the large one home, and have been living out of a teeny tiny carry-on for the past 18 days (Britney, your backpack has SAVED ME, ha) How I have accomplished this downsize, I still do not know. As you can imagine, my little carry-on has gotten significantly heavier since we started out, as I have been picking up souvenirs here and there and everywhere, and after visiting 15 cities and 7 countries, my suitcase is REALLY HEAVY. I'd say almost a good fifty pounds. That may not sound like a lot, but when you throw in a backpack and take into account my marshmallow arms, it is quite a challenge running around to different train stations and airports all night long.
Last night as we were trying to find our hotel, we got a tad bit lost. It got a little tricky pulling around all that luggage. At one point, I was trying to haul my suitcase up a big flight of stairs when a young man going the other way decided to stop and ask if I needed any help. I imagine I looked pretty flustered, which is great because it probably hid the bright red hue that surely hit my cheeks the second he turned around and spoke to me in his lovely british accent (then again, probably not, thank you genetics). I was already half-way up the stairs, and if course my instincts tell me that you can totally do this on your own. So of course I told him thank you very much but I was alright. He asked again throwing in this huge smile. I really think I looked pathetic at this point. "Are you sure?" ---yes, thank you so much! and kept right on swinging and hauling my little 5-ton suitcase up those stony stairs.
A few seconds later I was totally kicking myself. What a nice guy, and why in the world did I turn him down? Not in an, oh, he was really cute, swoon, sort of way, but in a, wow, he was really being kind and I should have let him help me sort of way. Because really, this world is so caught up in the business-woman working women doing everything on her own woman sort of thing. A man opens the door for us, and we tell him, "thanks but I am perfectly able to do that on my own." Then another man doesn't open the door for us, and we start ranting off about how Chivalry is Dead and how men have no respect for women anymore.
Well, what do we expect them to do?
I decided that next time a man offers to help me with something, I will let him and be all the more grateful for it. Yes, I am perfectly capable of doing it on my own, but that is the tried and true system, and it is fabulous! To all you many men out there who aren't afraid to be a gentleman, thank you! I praise you! You are appreciated! Keep it up.
That's my rant for the day.

Now off to board a plane! AMERICA here I come :)

Curious

Something interesting has happened.
Five different people have tried to set me up with five different men, all in the past 7 days. A lady in my ward. My boss. 2 co-workers. A friend I haven't talked to since high school. Yes, that makes 5.

And I ask.

Why now?

I am, in fact, leaving the country in 8 days, and it is for quite a significant amount of time.

And now you choose to try and set me up? 

"Oh hey there, you're cute andheythatdatewasgreatandhey see ya!"

Well, good timing.

Ha.

I laugh.