These chilluns are up to no good

It is a beautiful fall day and wonderful for many reasons-- one being that I just can't seem to stop smiling. I'll get to the main reason for that soon but first, a story: I was getting into my car to speed off to the bank and pay my dues when I noticed a tiny little boy looking longingly in my direction (he was selling something, and I was, conveniently, the only soul in sight). I backed up and called, "how much?"-- he eagerly responded. "Twenty-five cents!" I assumed that the liquid in the opaque container by his side was lemonade and I dug around my change drawer to find a quarter. I handed it to him and he carefully began to gather my loot. He placed a cup carefully on a tree stump and, clasping the pitcher with both hands, used all his concentration to pour me some. To my surprise, the liquid coming out of the pitcher was not lemonade at all, rather, it was crystal-clear, state of the art, lukewarm, shimmering water. As soon as I realized this, I couldn't help but notice that he had poured me not only water, but less than half-of-a-Styrofoam-cup's worth of it.

Lil' whippersnapper was about this age.. I just thought I'd throw in a Taiwanese picture as well. For obvious reasons. via

"What are you saving up for?" (It looked like he had about two dollars by now)
Enthusiastically, "A hotel!" ---
ha ha oh, I was laughing SO hard inside. He was thee cutest little guy. I drank my 2 swallows of water and wished him luck and went on my merry way. A few thoughts crossed my mind, firstly, times are-a-changin'. I seem to remember a time when I spent a fair amount of time carefully mixing up some cool-aid or lemonade with great attention, and when I had a buyer, a FULL cup was delivered their way. Are we really in such difficult times that one quarter will buy but a third a cup of water? My second thought was that his hotel is probably going to be the kind of business that scrimps and scrounges and cuts a lot of corners. We all know the ones-- we arrive to find them looking not a bit like the sophisticated pictures online-- and of course the continental breakfast leaves much to be desired. Despite it all though, I hope that little guy goes far.

Alright-- Let's get to it- I AM GOING TO TAIWAN!  21 dreamers, and only 12 spots-- and once again the Big Man Upstairs allows little old me to have this opportunity. I feel so elated, so humbled, and so blessed. I get to go spend a month in that fabulous part of the world, and do nursey things, and learn nursey stuff. And scuba dive. And maybe even try out some acupuncture.
More details to come soon, but in the meantime I will be continuing to scrimp and scrounge every single penny so that I can make the $1000 down-payment on time (November 19th). Don't call me about midnight pizza runs or tempt me with anything that requires spending money, people. This is serious business.

Also, for the first time in my life my body is able to function on less than 5 hours of sleep. Nursing school is finally getting adjusted to. It's about TIME, fools! Glory hallelujah!
(**Disclaimer: As a student nurse/future RN it is my job to er, promote health. Therefore, GET MORE THAN 5 HOURS OF SLEEP!! And eat your fruits and veggies!
There.
As soon as I am done with school, I will get 8 again, because I am an old lady already anyway, and I like me some sleep. But for now, I sacrifice my health and sleep for 3 years in order to promote yours. Makes sense, right? Uhh. Right.)

Stretching

I find a kind of inexplicable joy in the hard stuff of these years. I love them. I thrive in the challenge. I love what I am learning to live without, on a budget-- saving up every penny for the necessities and cutting out every single thing that I used to take for granted. I never eat out anymore, I haven't bought myself new clothes in months. I pack lunches. I reuse things until they are completely worn out. I wrap presents in brown paper bags. I do my best with meaning and gifts that do not require a lot of cash. Self discipline and restraint cause me to eat everything I buy before it goes bad--I used to not really notice if my lettuce went bad before. Now it is rationed carefully. I have just about no money and yet I am happier than I have been in months. And my time is critically managed, too. I have never felt so balanced in my entire life-- my homework gets done, my grades are better than they have ever been since coming to BYU-- and I still have time to go have fun.  Time with family is rare and relished in. I no longer take holidays for granted-- working them even once takes that out of you. I find joy in the little stuff-- being single is a choice of mine, and I find joy in this chapter of my life. I know time will bring someone fantastic into my life, someone who resonates with me and sparks in me a completely new realm of living.  That all these wonderful people I am meeting that seem to just blend into each other and don't feel right to me-- well they are teaching me things. They are adding flavor to my life-- and none if that is ever a waste of time. There is a fine difference between pickiness and choosiness, and I hope I never fail to recognize that.
There are days where loneliness hits me. But those instances pass. And I have found service as an antidote for all of them.
I don't doubt for one minute that this is a crucial time of preparation for me, and God is aware of me. I have never felt that fact so strongly as I do now. I have never relied upon Him as strongly as I do now.

This year has taught me many things. Here are just a few:
One--- There are miracles everywhere. I do not believe in circumstances nor coincidences. If you have an eye to recognize miracles, coincidences are no longer a reality for you. Your faith makes it so.
Two-- Some days are a little bit too much, and some nights your pillow is wet with wasted tears. You resign to let despondence eat you away. But the morning always comes. It always does. And finding the strength to take one step after these moments is all that matters. Just one.
Three-- I learned what it feels like to have an incredible boy fall in love with you and treat you exactly how you deserve. But life has a cruel way of doing things sometimes, and it wasn't right for me no matter how much I tried to make it so. I learned the excruciating heartache of letting him go.
I learned how to forgive and let go of a different boy who did not know how to treat me, who did not love me in the way I thought I needed. I decided to love him anyway. I took vulnerability and let it strengthen me-- I tried my best to send that love out into the world and let it build me up even though I felt like I was completely falling apart. I am better for it now.
My capacity to love was tested and stretched this year more than ever before in my life. I lost two people very dear to me. But I learned that sometimes you have to know when to walk away. And as hard as that is-- don't look back.
Four-- Debussy is the perfect soundtrack to any rainy day.
Five-- Confidence is the key to giving good shots and putting in IV's! And sometimes, people just have crappy veins!
Six-- If you have the choice between sleeping in or getting up and going to power yoga-- go to yoga.
Seven-- I think God is patient with our progress. And so should we be. Furthermore-- we should be patient with the progress of others as well.

I could think of a lot more but that is about all of the time I have allotted myself to procrastinate my deathly pharmacology homework.... I digress.

Snapchat and Selfies

You guys, I just don't understand the appeal of shapchat. Or the point. Usually, it just ends up with me getting a ton of pictures of a ton of selfies. And I retaliate with a ton of selfies. To what end? And the captions, they are the best. I'm waiting to go to work... I'm bored. I'm tired. Look, I braided my hair. Here, a picture of my dog.
I am just kind of at a loss. I commend all you friends who continue to send me snaps, even though I never respond because I just feel a little bit weird about sending a selfie in the library, or even in my own kitchen for that matter. Is this really what we do for entertainment? They say that this fast-advancing day-and-age, it takes more and more to entertain us, but I am kind of feeling like it is the opposite. If we're entertained by a bunch of random selfies, then I am pretty sure... we're fine.

Also, story time. I flew to California a few weekends ago to visit family and see one of my best friends. We ended up talking on the beach for like 4 hours. Of course, I forgot my sunscreen and got FRIED. And my chin broke out into second-degree blisters. So I wanted to get rid of this THING on my face and applied some Neosporin.. only to find out I am allergic.
So now I have this huge reaction, and I look like the living dead.
So I go to the doctor (because as much as I love people staring at my chin when they are talking to me...) and as soon as he walks in, he takes one look at me and immediately, "Oh-[insert horrendously long mumbled medical term here]--impetigo! yeah, you have an infection."
He then proceeds to prescribe me some antibiotics and tells me that a side effect may be that my skin falls off and I am hospitalized. (No kidding, look up stevens-johnson syndrome. Only if you have a strong stomach though. It's terrifying.)
Then, as if it doesn't get better, he asks, "Would you mind if I took a picture of your chin for my NP lecture at the U? I update it every year and this is the perfect specimen. Don't worry, I won't give your name or anything- **SNAP."


Awesome.

So I'm just feeling kind of weird about this day.

And I'm not going to document it with snapchat, okay?
Good.

On a lighter note, please enjoy this fabulous song. I am going to their concert tomorrow gremlin-chin or NO, and I could not be more excited.

[fake] blood and guts

So I have this fear of needles.

And I've definitely been working on that since like, the dawn of time.
But it is still very apparent in my life.
It's not even the blood, at all, it's the needles! Ask me why that makes sense.
If I didn't receive confirmation after ridiculous confirmation that I am supposed to be a nurse, it would probably have gotten to me by now. But you take it in baby steps, you know?

Well today we started our first IV's, in this mechanical arm that's got GREAT veins. It looks like a real arm, you use real equipment, you are in a lab that feels like a real hospital room...the only difference is that the arm is hard plastic and feels nothing like a real vein, or real skin! But you know, whatever. We take what we can get.

Truth. EVERY DAY.

Well I kind of freaked out. I have been acting all composed and all that crap this entire week, you know, fake it till you make it? Today I freaked out. It began when I inserted the IV and didn't send the catheter in far enough, so fake blood started spurting out all. over. the place. 
I couldn't get it to stop, and my instructor was like,.... "YEAH Kaitlin! You're doing grea--- oh."

I laughed, and everyone else laughed, and it was all fun and games, but inside, I was still freaking out. It kind of reminded me of the time last semester when we were learning to do some kind of irrigation (I won't go into too much detail, because none of you really want to know, trust me) and I put real soap in the IV bag instead of caster soap. My instructor got a good kick out of that.
I am so excited to look back on my little 22-year-old student-nurse self and laugh. I'm glad God has given me the ability to laugh at myself. Even though I still freak out a lot, it helps.

nursing humor at it's...finest?

So I'm gonna keep practicing. A LOT. And I am gonna think happy thoughts, and tell myself a million times over that needles are not that bad. Because they really aren't, right? They are itty-bitty compared to like fifty years ago, when my parents were kids getting shots with these huge honkin' things. Last semester I freaked out about giving shots, and now it doesn't phase me anymore, so IV's can't be that different, right?
Er. Emphasis on the question mark.

So if you see me around, just give me a hug. You don't even have to mention that you read this. Just give me a little encouraging smile and say, "You're doin' great."

 In the meantime, I'll be in the open lab. Sticking needles in things and drinking a lot of gatorade so as to avoid any feeble knees.

This one is called: my life in a nutshell right now.

Today I stumbled upon this beaut. Please relish in it for this small moment with me, because I think it is so great.