I had passed this particular shop every day for several months, always in a hurry and moving along to the next thing to check off my endless to-do list. I was charmed by the idea of this place, though, and I consequently dreamed up what it would be like when I was finally able to venture inside. I live for moments like that.
Today proved the perfect opportunity. Walking home in solitude on this grey day, after reading a book of great depth and I was lost in my mind. Moods such as this cause my mind to weave thoughts in ways that would sound strange in casual conversation. It works for me.
I opened the door and stepped inside-- and was immediately disappointed. The thing was in disrepair, books scarcely covered the cheap shelves. Instead of an old secret tucked away in the form of a corner bookstore I found a cheap, empty little room and not even a place to sit down. I was sorely disappointed.
I left quickly and my mind dissected the situation. How long I had anticipated this small moment--fabricating in my head the way it would be, walking in and discovering a gem. Breathing in the old books lining old shelves and of course taking advantage of the many niches to choose from to soak it all in, one book at a time. I do this all the time, envisioning how I think something is going to pan out.
Granted, there are many moments that live up to your expectations, even exceed them, and these are wonderful. But what I have really found is that I am quite the daydreamer, and I tend to build things up so much that when they finally come, they never quite measure up to the idea I had formulated for them in my mind. Exhibit A:
The truth of it, at least for me, is this: the moments that end up really meaning something in my life are usually the ones that take me totally off guard. I am talking about those moments that hit you on some idle Tuesday, taking you completely aback and casting a brilliant myriad of color into your life--unexpectedly.
And the other truth that I have come to realize is that, as Richard L. Evans puts it, maybe we should stop trying to force a life. Perhaps the one offered to us is just as full of joy, it's pigments just as bright-- just not what we expected.
I am still going to dream, and anticipate things in my life--that's just the way I work. But I think instead of being disappointed in their not measuring up, I will just enjoy those moments for what they are. There are more than enough bookstores left out there for me to explore. The trick is to enjoy those spaces in-between. That is the substance of a life. The tiny little moments throughout a day-- the boring, mundane routine of days-- the brilliant instances of unexpected splendor. Together these weave a life, and whatever that means mine will entail, I choose to open my heart and enjoy it.
In the words of Steven Walker: Expect nothing and strive for everything. You'll never be dissatisfied.
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