In Which my Philosophies on Dating are Explained

Take this for what it is you guys, I am just a girl who is in the midst of the Provo dating scene and I definitely don't have everything figured out just yet (nor do I think I ever will!). What works for me might not work for other people...I also might add that like most of the general population, I am horrible at following my own advice. That being said, I hope you enjoy reading this! Aaaand here we go:

1. If a guy is interested in you, he'll make it happen. Too often I see girls (and I used to find myself in this trap, as well), who are just convinced that they should fight to make it happen with a guy, or wait around for copious amounts of time to see if it happens. Fight for his attention, make themselves known, "bump" into him at random times to try and get themselves noticed (although this one DID work for Elaine S. Dalton, apparently-- she openly admitted to memorizing her crush's [and future husband's] schedule).
I am a firm believer that if a guy is interested, you'll know. He will call you up and invite you places. He will make an effort to text you back. He will find and make time for you to be in his life. If he's not, if you even question that due to his "negligent" behavior, he's probably just not that into you. And you know what? That's okay. I think the initial ball is in the guy's court on this one. After he makes an effort and you know he's interested, ladies, you need to put in some work too. But initially, the guy has to be the one to get the ball rollin'.

2. Honesty is the best policy. Don't string people along. Don't allow people to string you along, either. This only ends in frustration and hurt. The best way is to be perfectly upfront about how you are feeling. If you just aren't feeling it, tell them. If you are confused about your feelings, tell them. If you are smitten, tell them. We are all adults, right? Handle it that way. If you aren't interested, don't just ignore them and hope that the thing resolves itself out. I have talked to several guys on this one, and they all have told me that they would rather a girl be honest about telling them they are not interested sooner than later, and the same goes for girls. Just be kind and tactful about the way you do it.

3. The First Date Rule: I have heard so many girls say that they have a "first date rule." This means that they believe it is important to give every guy who asks them out a chance. I disagree with this rule in my own life, but I do think it has its place. If I am totally not interested up front, I am not going to say yes to the first date. I just don't feel it is fair to waste a guy's time and money if you ABSOLUTELY know that it isn't going to go anywhere. If you aren't sure, and are sitting on the fence about it, then yes, give them a chance. You might be surprised what you find.

Here's another thing: too many times I have seen girls take this rule Too. Far.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is to hear a girl say, "I'm not interested, but I am going to go out with him anyway. Free dinner, right?" 
Girls, STOP! If you're leaving on a mission anytime soon and aren't looking for anything at the moment, if for any reason you really don't see it ever happening, why are you wasting this guy's time and cash? This is low. If I hear any girl say this again in the future I will really have to resist the urge to slap her right square on the nasal concha.

4. Don't be Fooled by the Aggregation Effect: So many people around, so many with several fabulous qualities and quirks and talents and characteristics-- it fools you into thinking there's one out there that possesses all of those things.
 Don't fall prey to this. It is very easy to do, especially when meeting new people is plentiful in places such as college towns. As Elder Holland puts it, and I am paraphrasing, but there is no perfect person out there, and if there was, they certainly would have no interest in you! Keep an open mind. It is important to explore, but try not to pass up someone wonderful in search of that perfect person who does not exist. 

5. Exclusive dating does not have to mean marriage:  Yes, only date people with qualities you want your future spouse to have, but stop being so chicken about getting exclusive. Just because you are exclusive with a guy or girl does not mean you have to marry them. You are supposed to be exploring and learning and moving forward... so stop freaking out. (This is easier said than done, especially for me:)

6. Think of the current moment as the goal:  Yes, it's important to be thinking of your future and looking forward to it. But if you are sitting there on the first date and starting to think how great that guy is going to look in a tux at your wedding, then you are taking it too far. I have found that it works wonders to think of the current moment as the goal. If you are on a first, second, third date with someone, don't pattern your thoughts too far ahead. Enjoy the moment, lighten up, and have fun. Don't pester your mind with thoughts about whether or not you think he'll ask you out tomorrow, or whether she is "the one." Keep yourself balanced and enjoy the moment you are spending together!

7. Do your own thing, and don't judge Everybody else for the way they do theirs: When I volunteered abroad for a few months, there was a small bout of time when a rumor got taken too far and everybody in the facebooking world thought that This guy and I were engaged:

It was funny, but it kind of disturbed me how many people believed I could fall for a guy in only 3 short months. I believe in four seasons and a road trip, you guys. But a lot of people I know are happily married and only dated a few short months. I guess what I am trying to say is, it may not be your style, (it isn't mine), but don't look down upon or judge others if they are doing it differently than you. Also, don't let other people's opinions stop you from doing what you feel is right.

8. Enjoy It: If you are single and find yourself feeling unwanted, or pressured, stop. Don't be in such a hurry. Your worth is not dependent upon how many Friday nights are booked up with dates. This is a fabulous time of life. Enjoy it! If your dating life is not going exactly the way you'd like it to (I am sure this sums up about 90% of the single young adult population), do whatever you can that is in your control, and then simply let the rest go.


I am definitely interested to hear any opinions on this, do you disagree or agree with what I have said? What are YOUR philosophies on dating? Anything you think I should touch upon or you would like to add? Biggest dating pet peeves? There are so many different philosophies out there and I certainly have an interest in what you have to say:) Thanks for reading!

Quote Book Summer 2013

"We can call that... an epic fail."
"I always went to my brother, because he was fat."
--Ryan Briggs

Brit: "Hey can I throw you in so you can go swimming with the fish?"
9-year old boy: No.
--"Why Not?"
"Because these are new cargo pants."

"See, you know so much, I had no idea that renal and rectal were different!"
Ashmac

"I'm just worried that you can't come to lunch because you're gonna be translated."
-Nanna

"Because if you get married I am gonna be the third wheel, I'll be like sorry, it's a package deal."
"Kaitlin... do you understand what's in Taiwan? The asians."

Kait: "I'd be in a leprousy colony, cleaning wounds."
Brit: "Oh. That's so.... Biblical."

Tyler: "I would do anything for the man! And he would do nothing for me."

Brit (to me): So... your mental state is kind of scaring me."

"I don't understand how I spend most of my life geographically distant from you."
Brit

"You can't go gallavanting around with all these horny ho-bags"
Laura boo

drifting

I have been fighting that feeling a lot lately. The drifting. It is an empty feeling, one that you know the solution to, but for some reason it's more difficult than you expected and instead of doing something to change course you choose to just
drift along.
Well, let the records show--- I'm tired of drifting.


The more I think, the more I feel that by not engaging in daily serious study of the word, sincere prayer and contemplation- by not visiting or "checking in" with that very being who created all things-- it is not solely an offense to Him, but even personally, an offense to ourselves.
By not taking the time out of your busy life to focus and align your will with His you are essentially saying that you don't need Him. You hold up your tiny head and go forward thinking you can rely on your own strength for the day. All things of the spiritual sense weaken within you, even if just slightly.
But that slightly turns into more
and more
and over time you are eroded; your resolve,
your character, your very soul has begun to waste away.
Significantly.
Suddenly you begin to realize that you have no chance on your own to overcome the natural man, not without His help, never without His help. Of course, you knew this all along. But what you didn't know was how easy this was to forget...

I feel that when I do not stay attuned with the spirit, I have no way of telling which thoughts or impulses or words or attitudes or ideas come from Him or from the influence of the world... It is as if I set out for a trip on my sailboat without taking the time to actually put on the sails.

{Our Heavenly Father did not launch us on our eternal journey without providing the means whereby we could receive from Him God-given guidance to assist in our safe return at the end of mortal life. I speak of prayer. I speak too of the whisperings from that still, small voice within each of us, and I do not overlook the holy scriptures, written by mariners who successfully sailed the seas we too must cross. -President Thomas S. Monson}

Let the records show, I'm tired of drifting.

what I'm listening to // Bastille, T/O/P

Can't get enough of these two bands lately. They are both unique in sound and are definitely headed for greatness. Check out some of their better-known songs, such as Pompeii by Bastille, or Guns for Hands by T/O/P, if you are in the mood for some exploring! <3

what i'm listening to // grouplove

Here is a teaser to their new album-- I have definitely had this gem on repeat for the past week or so (and am not even minutely close to getting sick of it).

As my brother puts it, this is the "theme-song for all college freshman and seniors of the world!"

I also may or may not be just a tad bit obsessed with Hannah Hooper. :)